The Pilot's Wife
by HerNamewasAlice
Summary: Rey didn't expect being a pilot's wife to be difficult but as time went on, she realized that it was. (Rey x Poe)
1. Stay a While

Rey was the pilot's wife. She was Poe Dameron's wife for some time now and it hadn't registered into her system. The concept of being in a union with someone was still unfamiliar to her. It was strange to be someone's anything and for her to have someone for that matter. It first started as admiring each other from a far and then innocent flirtation and somehow, it turned into a heat of the moment kiss. It followed along with confusion but wanting each other more that they decided to see where it was taking them. They had sort of dated before they were married - sort of.

Poe had never specified what they were but they saw each other constantly whenever they weren't separated by their roles. Rey didn't mind though, it created less attachment and complication. Rey was a wild and independent soul while Poe was a soul that could never be at the same place too long or with anyone for that matter. It made sense for them not to want to be in a serious relationship. They were both free to date other people and it was great for the both of them until she became pregnant.

"Are you sure?" he blinked several times as he rubbed his forehead. He shifted back in forth, trying to keep a hold of himself from trembling. "Are you sure it's mine -

"Yes," she said without a doubt. "I never did - you know," she paused and became flustered. She took a deep breath before proceeding. "With anyone else besides you," she said uncomfortably. She dated a few guys along with him but the most she did with the others was kiss.

He blinked several times and exhaled slowly. Having a child wasn't part of his plan let alone being committed to someone. "How long have you've been pregnant?" he asked calmly.

"Three and a half months," she admitted. "I was in denial for a while about it - it's kind of too late for me to do anything about it now." If she wasn't in denial she could have stopped it but she was too far along. But the other thing was; she wanted to keep the baby. She wanted to give everything to her child and love the child as much as she could. Rey had no a idea how to raise a child but she was going to try. She pursed her lips and felt her stomach churned. She had meant to tell him earlier but he was gone for a month and didn't return until yesterday. "I meant to tell you," she said quickly, trying to make him feel better. "But you were gone for quite some time now."

Poe ran his fingers through his hair. "I understand," his eyes went to her stomach. She was wearing a loose shirt to hide the evidence but he knew soon she wouldn't be able to. "Do you plan to keep the child?"

Rey's eyebrows furrowed but she realized then that he was asking her if she was going to give her child away to someone else. "Of course. I'm not going to give he or she away," Rey responded quickly as if it was an obvious question. She found herself laughing but she silenced herself at the sight of his pale face.

"I want to be there for our child - if you let me," he asked politely. There was hesitance in his tone - he wasn't sure if he had a say in any of it.

She blinked, with her mouth slightly opened. She didn't expect him to be offering to be part of her child's life. She would have understood if he didn't want to. "Yes - if you want -

"I do," Poe said, softness in his voice. Immediately, he knelt on the ground and took her hand. "I want to marry you - I want to support you and our child. Will you marry me?" He was a charismatic man with a skill to fabricate sweet words on the spot but for the first time she sensed discomfort and clumsiness in his tone.

She rejected him. Rey didn't want him to be with her for the sake of principles but the third time he proposed, she accepted. He grew on her like he always did. It was hard to say no with the charm of his. She knew very well she accepted his proposal for the sake of the baby. She wanted her child to have a family - something she had always chased for.

She was certain that he proposed to her for the same reasons as well and told herself not to be fooled by her emotions. There was no romantic love with them and she knew very well he didn't want to be married or have a family before any of this. They both wanted to be free and disconnected to everything but the air until this. What they felt for one another was merely physical attraction and her admiration for him, the pilot.

They decided to keep her pregnancy underneath the table and so they married right away. When anyone asked why the hasty wedding, Poe would respond in a smooth, relaxing tone of his and say 'With our jobs - you don't know what will happen and I want to live life with no regrets. I want to hold on to the ones that matter.'

He was a master with words that she almost believes it if it wasn't for the lower abdominal pains.

* * *

They bought a home just two miles from the Resistance base. It was a small home, quaint and humble. It was a very lovely home with aged wooden floors and fresh white paint. "Until the the child is born, you shouldn't be out fighting or going on missions," Poe said as he helped her unpack.

"Why?" she asked with a hint of attitude. She was growing weary from being told what to do. She was so used to doing whatever she wanted and to be anyone's wife was tiring her.

"I don't want you or the baby to get hurt," he said calmly, ignoring her insolence. Poe placed his hand on her belly. She was getting bigger but it was still unnoticeable with her loose clothing. She was a thin thing, underweight but with the pregnancy, it was making her fuller and more connected to her frame. People only assumed she was gaining muscle. But Rey and Poe both knew that she'll get bigger and they won't be able to hide it. "You're in a critical stage now. We can't risk it."

Rey flinched from the word; _we_. It was a foreign word to her. The only word she knew was loneliness. She knew he was right but she had to work to make money. "But I need to though. I'll find a less labor required job -

"It's alright," he assured. "I make enough money to support the both of us - the three of us," he chuckled fondly.

"I still want to contribute though," she said, her temper getting the best of her. Rey didn't like the idea of relying on someone. She didn't like the idea of being someone's little wife.

Poe moved his hand away from her stomach and touched her cheek lightly. He chuckled softly, his soft eyes smiling along with him. He always liked that about her, her spunk. She was a strong and independent woman and he wouldn't want to change that. "Very well then, just make sure the job doesn't endanger your health." Poe lowered himself down to kiss the top of her head.

She nodded stiffly, finding herself blushing.

He was a good husband to her, supportive and attentive. He would be gone for days or weeks from work but he came back it was like he had never left. Poe would do all he could to try to make up for lost time.

He was faithful to her and she found herself falling for him all over again.

* * *

They managed to pass their infant daughter as a premature child. Their daughter was small, roughly six pounds. She looked just like her father; soft wave curls, an olive complexion, and deep creased eyes. The only part of Rey was in her smile. Rey named her Ava. Poe was unable to be there to witness the birth of his child due to work but once the mission ended, he came rushing home. He finds her, holding their crying daughter in her arms as she paced back and forth. Rey looked frail and worn out. It had been days since she had given birth and Poe couldn't help but to feel guilty. He wasn't able to be there for Rey and this was the first time seeing his daughter. His daughter was a couple days old now - he should have been there when she was born.

It was the middle of the night now, he had just entered with his uniform still on.

"Would you like to hold her?" Rey asked as she attempted to comfort their daughter. She had been taking care of Ava on her own for days now and managed to sleep only a few hours a day. Rey's eyes were laced with dark circles and her hair was sticking to her skin. She was distressed and tired.

Poe nodded, immediately taking off his gloves and helmet. "Did you feed her?" he asked as he gently took Ava from her mother's arms. He had more experience holding babies than Rey did but their daughter was still crying. His eyes locked on to Ava. A smile appeared on his face, marveling how tiny and beautiful she was. Small hands and half a stub of finger nails. Ava looked exactly like him, there was no doubt about it.

"Yes and I changed her diaper too," she yawned weakly. Rey had no idea what to do but she loved Ava enough to keep trying. It took Rey a while to learn how to breastfeed Ava.

He rocked her and hummed and before Rey knew it, Ava was asleep.

"How did you do that?" she asked with an incredulous look on her face.

He chuckled and patted her cheek. "Ah young padawan, you have so much to learn," he said in a tone of a wise master.

She crinkled her nose.

"How was giving birth?" he asked. He doesn't apologize whatsoever, he had already done that on the communicator a dozen times. He wasn't the person to sulk over an issue for too long and she rather liked it that way.

"It wasn't that bad," she lied, letting out a laugh.

Poe shot her an expression of disbelief. "Come now," he said as he stroked Ava's cheek. Her skin was soft and smooth, he couldn't help but to grin and admire her.

"Painful. Absolutely painful. I was in labor for eleven hours and had to be stitched up," Rey admitted then. She blinked from the memory of blood everywhere and the shooting pain. It was a horrible experience and it made it worse that he wasn't there. "We were kept for an extra day for the doctors to monitor us but she's worth it," Rey said fondly. She leaned and kissed her daughter's head.

He smiled at Rey. He was proud of her and how she was able to things on her own. Past women he had been with were entirely dependent on him for everything and he couldn't give him everything when half of his life was dedicated to the Resistance and the skies. Rey was understanding and flexible with the ability to adapt and survive. He admired how independent she was. She was just like him, free and bounded to nothing with a love of flying. It was the reason why he was attracted her. "I'm glad that the both of you are safe and made it just fine without me," he kissed Rey on the cheek. He looked at her and then at Ava and back at Rey. "She looks like you," he whispered.

Rey broke out in laughter. She didn't want false statements. "No, she doesn't. She looks entirely like you. Eyebrows and cheekbones and all," she squeezed his nose. Ava had his nose too.

"She's beautiful because of you."

* * *

Rey didn't expect being a pilot's wife to be hard but it was. She stayed home taking care of their baby girl while he was always gone for work. He had no control in when he was called in for missions. It was always out of nowhere and he would be gone for days, sometimes weeks - and even months. And when he did come back, she would be lucky if he was home for a few days before getting called in again. Most of the time he was only there for a day. It was heartbreaking to watch him leave and wait for him, not knowing when he will come back or if he'll come back. It scared her to see him come with injuries but still going back to work. When he was gone all she did was worry about his safety and missed him terribly. She hated being attached to someone but she couldn't help it. Poe was barely around and when he was there, she felt very happy.

It made it more difficult having a child.

He was missing so much of their daughter's life.

Their daughter was nine months now. So far he had missed Ava's birth, her first crawl, and now her first words.

She didn't expect her to be the kind of wife to wait around for her husband and cry when he left. But she ended up doing all of those things. She didn't expect to be a stay at home wife but it felt right to do so. She expected herself to work and be a mother but it was different when it actually happened. She couldn't stand the idea of someone looking after her child and missing her daughter's first milestones. Rey didn't expect to be a wife for that matter or to be part of any domesticated setting.

She didn't expect to be a pilot's wife and put herself into so much emotional distress. She didn't want to be attached but things happened. Rey loved him and being a mother meant she couldn't follow him or join him like she could before. It killed her to watch her child grow and Poe wasn't around to share it with her. BB-8 kept her company however while her friends were off to missions, but it wasn't the same.

"I have to leave in the morning," he whispered to her. They were in bed together, her head on his bare chest. It was night and Ava was sleeping peacefully in her crib.

Her eyes were burning but she bit her lip, preventing herself from crying in front of him. She doesn't like to cry in front of him - she didn't like to show any weakness. To her what she felt was petty weakness - he had to leave to support them and she didn't want to make it any more difficult for the both of them. She wanted to be strong. "Do you know when you'll come back?" she asked, swallowing hard.

Poe exhaled and shrugged slightly. "I don't know," he sighed. His absences were getting longer as the war went on.

The words broke her. Tears came out but she remained silent, desperately hoping he wouldn't notice.

"It's okay to cry," he said, sensing her tears. He wiped her tears. "It's okay to miss me. I miss you too when I'm gone."

"I feel selfish for doing so," she bit the words out. She was crying even more. "This is your career - what you've been working for your whole life. You're helping so many people and it's selfish of me to miss you." She knew it was selfish of her to want him to stay.

"I don't think it is." Poe kissed her head, coaxing her. There were times when he wanted to give it up and live a normal life but his love to protect people kept him going. It was the exact thing that kept her going as well. He hated himself since the pregnancy - he hated that he was keeping her from doing whatever she wanted. To fight for the cause. To explore. To continue her Jedi training. Now she was raising their child on their own and taking time off her training until their daughter was old enough.

"It is."

"I'm the one that's been selfish - I should be home with you and Ava." Every time he saw Ava, she was always growing up and changing. She used to be this little ball of a thing and now she's crawling about and learning to speak words. He should be there for her at home and not fighting and putting his life in danger. "I should be -

"No. Don't say that. I don't want you to give up what you love."

"Well I love you and I love our daughter."

"Yes but you also love your job and people," she countered.

He exhaled and his eyes went to the ceiling. "Maybe there is a way we can have a compromise," he murmured to himself. He looked at her then. "Let's sleep okay? I'll talk to General about it tomorrow."

* * *

Rey wakes up, finding Poe laying next to her, holding Ava in his arms. Ava was giggling as her father tickled her. Poe smiled to himself and continued to tickle her. Rey waited for her eyes to adjust before saying anything. She wasn't sure if this was real or a cruel dream. "You're here," Rey said in disbelief. She found herself smiling at the sight of Ava bonding with her father.

"I requested for a couple days off. I just want to stay here a little longer."

* * *

 **A/n: to be continued**


	2. I Love You

Rey loved having him around. He brought such a wonderful and upbeat energy whenever he came home from his long missions. Poe lit up the whole house and when he was here, it felt like a family. A real family - the kind that she dreamed of her whole life. She loved seeing he and their baby daughter bond together and chase BB-8 around the house. It was adorable seeing the tall and strong man with curly hair hold his baby daughter who was a mirror image of him, dark curls and all.

Ava was nine months old and was beginning to speak. She knew how to say mommy and BB-8 and yet learned to say daddy. Poe was patiently waiting for when she does. It was hard being a father to a baby. Babies forget when they don't see someone every day. Whenever he came back, Ava would look at him as if he was a stranger and bury her face into Rey's chest and he would have to win her heart before he left. But now she was a bit older, and she had recognized him this time and gave him that sweet smile of hers.

"It's okay Rey, I got her," Poe said, gently swatting Rey's hand away. Poe continued to change Ava's diaper and then he dressed her in a white sundress. When he was home, he liked to pick up his share of the work taking care of their daughter and helping around the house. He wanted to spend all his time bonding with Ava before his next mission that was in two days. Poe scooped Ava up in his arms and squeezed her tight, peppering sloppy kisses all over her face.

Rey laughed and brushed Ava's curls. Ava's hair was getting long now, it was just a bit passed her shoulders. Rey handed Poe a white hair ribbon and watched him in awe as he put the bow in their daughter's hair.

"There's my princess," he said, kissing the top of Ava's nose. Ava giggled and pulled on his hair and laughed even more. Poe smiled at her and stared at her lovingly. Rey smiled at the sight. "Do you think she'll remember me when I come back?" he asked Rey. He bit his lip.

"Well she's still young," Rey answered reasonably. "She-

Ava turned and eagerly held out her tiny arms to Rey. "Mommy! Mommy!" she exclaimed with bright eyes.

Rey took her then and kissed Ava's hair. "But I talk about you constantly to her and show her pictures of you."

Ava grinned brightly at her mother and stroked her cheek. Ava hid underneath her mother's hair then, using it as a blanket over her face. She peeked through every few seconds, staring with curiosity at Poe.

Poe made funny faces and played peek a boo.

"I think she's a daddy's girl," Rey commented. She laughed to herself, the two were so much alike. Their mannerisms were the same and Ava had his charm.

He laughed, staring at the way Ava was holding Rey possessively. "No, she's a mommy's girl," he kissed his wife on the mouth.

* * *

They went for a walk and brought BB-8 with them as well. Afterwards, they had a picnic by a stream. Rey made Poe one of his favorite meals. She didn't cook much when he wasn't around. Ava was too young to have any solid foods besides an occasional mashed fruit and so Rey mostly ate fruit and made bread and soup for herself.

They were sitting down on the blanket. Rey was trying to breastfeed Ava but Ava kept looking around, wandering at what Poe was eating. Poe was eating some pink fruit first before digging into anything. "Would you want some?" Rey asked her, pulling up her shirt.

Ava nodded. Rey laughed and handed her to Poe. Rey had been trying to get Ava on solids but Ava was reluctant to until now. Rey watched as Poe broke the fruit into pieces and fed Ava. Ava opened her mouth eagerly and ate the fruit with the same eagerness. Rey shook her head and laughed. Whenever she tried to feed Ava fruit, Ava would quickly spit it out.

Poe held Ava gently and protectively, encouraging her to have more. "She likes it," he commented with a small excited grin. The pink fruit got all over her face but he quickly wiped her mouth with the sleeve of his shirt before BB-8 could react. "She eats like you," he teased. He remembers the first time he saw her eat. She ate hastily but to her defense she hadn't ate in days.

Rey rolled her eyes but kissed his cheek. "Shut up."

"Watch your language," he grinned, playfully covering Ava's ears.

* * *

Poe watched them from the door. Rey was holding Ava, rocking her to sleep in the chair. Rey held on to her tightly, rubbing her back to soothe her as she hummed. There was a huge smile on Rey's face, bigger than Ava's. He never imagined for Rey to be this gentle or loving towards anyone, let alone be his wife. It was a heartwarming sight but he felt like he didn't belong with them, with the picture before him.

When he was gone, he wonders about this - how life was for them when he wasn't around. He knew by heart that they managed just fine but he was still curious what went around. Sometimes with seeing intimate moments like this, he feels like an intruder, like he doesn't belong. With moments like these, he feels like an absent good for nothing father.

She notices him before he could walk away. "Come here," Rey whispered, inviting him to enter Ava's room.

Poe went to her without a word. He sat on the floor, right beside Rey. Ava was fast asleep but Rey held on to her and continue to rock her in the chair. Gently, he held Ava's hand and hummed along with Rey. Sometimes, Ava doesn't feel real to him. She was such a precious thing and he doesn't know what he did to deserve to have her.

Rey's eyes lowered. She sensed what was on his mind. "Do you think we would have been married if this didn't happen?" Rey asked slowly.

Poe blinked.

It was the question that both had been avoiding since Rey's pregnancy. He knew she was going to ask someday but didn't expect it to be at this very moment. He cleared his throat and moved his hand from Ava to Rey's arm. "I would like to think we would," he answered truthfully. He had feelings for her since she came into his life but they only intensified when she became pregnant.

"Me too," she swallowed hard.

He squeezed her arm for her sake and his. The way she answered made him feel sick to his stomach - made him feel as if he didn't love her. "Well before any of this we were just casual because of everything happening. We didn't want to get attached," he reminded her. "We were both afraid of getting hurt," it was the truth.

"I know," she admitted. "But - do you think we would have been something more on our own?" And not because of Ava, she wanted to add.

"I think we would. You were the only woman that was understanding about my job. You didn't need me as much as other women. You're capable of taking care of yourself and holding your own ground," he smiled. Even with their child, she never asked or made him quit. She understood his passion because his passion was the same as hers.

"Is there another reason though - that you didn't want us to be exclusive? Besides our jobs and the war?" Rey's skin tightened from her own question. She knew very well that before this, he had trouble with committing but she wanted to hear it from him.

"I was afraid to hurt you," his voice went low.

"Hurt me?" she raised her eyebrow. She never heard anyone say that to her.

"I wasn't sure if I could give you the love you need and deserve," Poe frowned. It killed him when they were dating and he heard from other people that she was seeing other men. He never told her how he felt because he dated other women. They both agreed to date other people - and he didn't want to be a hypocrite. "And you haven't been around with anyone else - I wanted you to date other people. I wanted you to have that experience - a somewhat normal life."

She felt herself blush. "I thought you were you scared of commitment."

Poe chuckled slightly. "I was," he was being honest. He looked at her in the eyes and gave her nothing but hope. He broke many hearts - too much for him to count. "Until I met you. I never thought I could find someone that understands me," there was sincerity in his voice. "I think we would have gotten married on our own," he sounded more confident. "Most likely after the war." He would be lying if he said he didn't imagined them married before Ava came along. He originally imagined marrying her ten years from now when he was forty two and she was thirty.

Rey patted his head and smiled. She rose and placed Ava in her crib. She grabbed him by the wrist and led them out of the room. She closed Ava's door halfway gently and out of nowhere, she jumped into his arms. He automatically held her as she wrapped her legs around his waist and kissed him. She kissed him hard and confidently with eagerness to match.

He couldn't help but to laugh. "You're cute," he said fondly. He held her firmly, taking them to their room. They found BB-8 going through Poe's things. Poe gave BB-8 a look, telling him to go into Ava's room. BB-8 obeyed and left immediately.

She pouted at him. She hated it when he called her cute. He said it as if she was a child. She remembered when she first kissed him and he responded with the response he gave her just now. It was infuriating when he did that - it made her embarrassed and feel young. "I'm just cute?" she asked, setting him up to a thin line. She couldn't help but to be disappointed. She was trying to be spontaneous and take his breath away and all he did was laugh and call her cute.

"Yes, you are," he grinned as he watched her face knit into an adorable scowl. Poe ran his fingers along her frown as he placed her on their bed. "There's no other word to describe you." He crawled on top of her.

Rey rolled her eyes and kissed his neck. She wanted to make him moan and wanted him to be taken by lust.

"Fine," he laughed, her attempts weren't working at all. "You're also adorable." He loved to push her buttons.

Rey muttered and sighed. "You're impossible."

"What else do you want me to say?" he asked, feigning innocence. He kissed her cheeks, leaving sloppy kisses.

"I don't know," she bit her lip as she fell into a trap. "Like something more dignified really?"

He laughed again, his eyes smiling with him. "Dignified?"

Her skin grew hot and her patience was wearing thin. "Like the things you say to the other women before me." She had encountered many old flames of his before they started dating. Each flame was beautiful and seductive and were his age - everything she wasn't. There was no doubt that Poe treated her different. He was cautious with her even after all they had been through together. He treated her like she was precious - like she was something he had to look after. Rarely did he lose his control with her.

"You're not like other women."

He said in such a way that it made her blush.

Poe smiled and kissed her cheek and buried himself into her neck.

"I'm still mad at you," she said out of spite.

"About what?" he laughed but he was still patient with her. He sighed to himself, inhaling her scent and taking in her warmth. He liked to rest on her.

"You know," she muttered. "About the first time I told you that I loved you."

Poe snickered to himself, tears streaming from his eyes from laughter. He remembers it, the face she gave him when she did.

"Stop it, it's not funny."

* * *

 _Poe remembers it well. He was the one to kiss it first and she was the one to say 'I love you'. They were dating at the time and she was still a virgin then. They parted ways to go to their ships to go on the missions they were assigned to._

 _He was about to go into his ship until she came running back to him._

 _He heard her - her footsteps and heavy breathing. Poe turned around and found her standing in front of him. She was hunched over slightly as she was trying to catch her breath. Poe suppressed a smirk and gave her a polite smile. "Yes?" he asked as he fixed the helmet on his head._

 _Rey stood up straight and blinked frantically. "I-I um, um," she stammered. "I just want to say- um good luck out there. I hope you'll be safe."_

 _Poe smiled and gave her a thumbs up. "I hope you'll be safe too. I better go."_

 _"Poe." She called out for him._

 _He turned his head. "Yes?"_

 _Rey's eyes went to the ground, her hands curling into fists. "I love you," she managed to say without stuttering._

 _He blinked and stared at her. He stared at the color of her cheeks and the way her lips twisted from embarrassment. Poe smiled slightly, coveting the rest of his smile. He couldn't help but to find her endearing. He laughed to himself with ease, his eyes creasing along with him. "You're cute," he stated. Poe took off his helmet and put it on her head._

 _She became redder and her ears grew hot as he patted her head._

 _He took his helmet back. "I'll see you around okay?" he said as he walked away, leaving her dumbfounded._

* * *

"You can't be mad at me for that," Poe hugged her tightly. He was still on her, sneaking nips on her throat.

She suppressed herself from moaning. "You made me feel horrible," she spat out. "I said I love you and you just laughed and smiled. You didn't even say it back."

"I put my helmet on you," he explained.

"And?"

"That's how I say I love you."

* * *

 **to be continued**


	3. Thinking of the Past

Falling in love wasn't part of Poe's plan. He had been in love before. He had a few serious loves but all ended badly. His job didn't make him stay anywhere for far too long and that caused a major strain on all of his relationships. He tried to make things work but the girls he had been with weren't satisfied. They wanted all of his time - they wanted him to always be there every second and that was something he couldn't do. By the time he was twenty five, he gave up on serious relationships and began having casual relationships to make things easier. No heartbreak.

He met Rey when he was thirty two and when she was nineteen (he's thirty three now and she's twenty). She immediately caught his eye (other than her looking after his BB-8). She caught his eye by how independent she was, how self reliant she was. He had never met another female pilot before that was down to earth like him. There were female pilots but most were either engaged or already married. Poe also made a vow to himself to never date anyone from his work to avoid any awkward tension if things went sour. He wanted to be professional.

Loving someone wasn't part of his plan.

He didn't want to fall in love with her. He was attracted to her yes, but to let it be something else, it would be nothing but heartbreak. But despite his warnings and conscience, he didn't follow them.

Poe should have listened to his conscience - he shouldn't have been using BB-8 as an excuse to see her on his free time or flirt with her. He shouldn't have done many things but he couldn't help himself. On the rare times they were assigned to work together, she was fun to be around. She brought such a warm and spiritedly energy. She was a great pilot and fighter and she was great at leading and taking orders. He couldn't help but to be drawn to her. She was so easy to talk to, so witty and rough around the edges. She wasn't refined. She was her own woman. Such a strong woman, he thought. He couldn't help but to find her cute. She looked so cute when she smiled. She looked so cute and eager when she does something right.

Rey's nineteen, he told himself whenever he finds eyes wandering at her, stealing glimpses of her.

She's never been with anyone else. She's going to get attached easily if anything happens, he tells himself again. So he tells himself, that they're just friends and that he wanted to get to know her better. It was a bald face life but he makes himself believe it until they ended up kissing each other in the heat of the moment.

By that time, they had been flirting with one another for some time now and they shouldn't be surprised but they are.

Both never really expected for their flirtation to escalate to anything else.

* * *

Poe leaves the next day. He goes back to the Resistance base and flies away to Takodana. It's a long trip and so he lets his mind roam to pass the time. It was really lonely being out on missions - being on separate ships and so Poe thinks of things to keep him busy.

He submerges himself into the past again.

Most of the time, he thinks of the the present - of his wife and his daughter back home but it causes nothing but sadness in him. And so, he remembers the past, before he was attached to anyone.

He remembers the first time he kissed her - how clumsy she was when she kissed him. She missed his mouth twice on their first kiss and her shoulders were tense. Poe remained in control and calm, and guided her, easing her nervousness. He remembers how shy she was kissing him. He had to be very slow with her, very gentle. It almost killed him to be so gentle - he was used to experienced women and kissing Rey made him feel sick with himself - like he's too old for her. Like he shouldn't be kissing her until she had experience with a few men.

It wasn't just a peck on the lips, it became a deep kiss that lasted a couple of minutes.

 _Poe pulled away from her and blinked several times. "I should be going," he said smoothly, concealing his mixed emotions. He was panicking on the inside but he remained calm. He shouldn't have kissed her. He shouldn't. She was his colleague. She was his friend - she was the last person he wanted to end things on a bad note._

 _Rey nodded. She's dazed and a bit hurt but she doesn't let it get to her. "Yeah, you should," she said indifferently. To his surprise, she looked at him and spoke to him reasonably instead of acting like a lovesick girl._

 _Poe stiffly nodded and walked away from her._

To his surprise, she didn't make it a big deal. After that kiss, they went on with their lives, as if it never happened. They didn't speak about it and things were the same but it left Poe unsatisfied as well as mystified. He was relieved that things returned back to normal but a part of him wasn't. He wanted her to want him. He wanted her to be like the other women he had been with - to chase after him and want to be with him.

He had never met a woman that wasn't wrapped around his finger before and it frustrated him.

He wondered if she liked the kiss - if she enjoyed kissing him as much as he enjoyed kissing her.

 _"Do you like me?" she asked him out of nowhere. They were alone, playing with BB-8. He had made yet another excuse to see her, this time he used the BB-8 card._

 _Poe raised his eyebrow and stared at her. She doesn't look shy at all and there was assertion and boldness in her tone. He blinked. He doesn't know what to say. It had been a month since they had kissed and he assumed she had forgotten about it._

 _"Well if you do, we should date," she responded sharply, a blush developing on her face. Her eyes went to the ground and her skin was red._

 _He chuckled to himself, amazed by how forward she was. But then again, the words must have been bottling up for some time now. By her face, he could tell that she was sort of waiting for him to do make a move but got tired of waiting and decided to take matters in her own hands. "I suppose we should," he answered, patting her_ hair.

* * *

Even when they were dating, he didn't want to love her. He really didn't. They agreed to keep it casual from the start. They would date others and it wouldn't be an issue. Rey was quick to agree with his proposition but he knew why. She didn't want to get hurt as well. She didn't want to get attached to him. But, he did fall in love with her.

Poe didn't fall in love with her right away. He didn't fall in love with her when they slept together. He fell in love with her sometime after they slept together, a month after they did.

They were stationed to another Resistance base and it was the middle of the night when she called him to come to her room. There was a storm that night, the worst storm in centuries.

 _"Where are you?" he asked, finding her room empty. She had called him on his communicator to come over but she wasn't there. He was about to go back to his room until he sensed her presence._

 _Something was wrong._

 _He looked around her room and found her in the closet, curled up in a corner. Her eyes were shut closed and her hands were pried to her ears. Poe's heart skipped a beat. "Rey, what's wrong?" he asked in a low voice._

 _She was shaking - she looked so small. He had never seen her afraid before. He was about to open his mouth until he realized - she was terrified. She was terrified of the lightning and thunder. She must have never encounter lightning before, he thought to himself. "Come here, Rey," he whispered. "There's nothing to be afraid," he coaxed. "I'm here."_

 _She didn't hear him. She was too numb. She was trembling and her breathing was becoming uneven._

 _The lights went out and the wind started to hit the walls._

 _"It's okay, I'm here," he whispered. Poe went inside and crawled to her. He wrapped his arms around her quickly and held her tight, burying her face into him. He held her tight as if his life depended on it. He stroked her back and soothed her. "It's okay," his voice was like velvet. "It'll all be over soon." His eyes lowered, she was crying now. Whimpering._

 _He had never seen her like this, so scared. So vulnerable. He could feel her loneliness and the years growing up without anyone. She doesn't want to get hurt and yet she wanted him here to be there for her, to see her like this. His skin tightened and his throat began to burn. He doesn't want to get close to her. He doesn't want to get close to anyone but this was different somehow._

 _This was Rey. She didn't need him the way other women needed him. She was able to take care of herself but see her like this, to feel her loneliness at his fingertips, pained him. Why can't she take care of herself now? Why does she want me here? Why not anyone else? She can take care of herself without me -he was barely breathing but he keeps up with his relax facade. Poe carried her out and laid her on her bed. She grasped on him, holding on to him._

 _"I'm not leaving," he told her gently. He laid himself beside her, watching her curl into him. Rey buried her face into his chest and sobbed. Poe struggled to breathe. She looked like a heartbroken child and her fingers, they were holding on to him. He kissed the top of her head and held her hand firmly._

 _Poe stroked her hair and continued to comfort her. He was blinked frantically, his mind was running wild. Everyone she had ever loved had left her while everyone he had ever loved, he had left them._

 _It scares him so much that she trusts him enough to see her like this._

 _I'm going to hurt her, he thought to himself. He should end this but Poe stays with her. He still holds her. He still kisses her head and whispers sweet things to her. Poe's humming now, letting his voice soothe her. He hummed her a song._

 _Before he knows it, she falls asleep in his arms. He could leave but he doesn't want to. He pulled the blanket over them and stroked her cheek. He should leave but he doesn't want to. He wanted her to wake up to him. He should end this but he doesn't want to either. He supposed he loved her._

* * *

The sight of gray clouds pulls him back to the present. He looked around and realized he was still stationed to the ground. He was so lost in his thoughts that he hadn't left yet. Poe bit his lip, examining the clouds. It was going to rain. There was going to be a storm, he knew by the sound of thunder. He was able to fly the ship regardless of the rain but that wasn't on his mind.

Without a second thought, he got out and ran back to home.

He was supposed to leave but he's worried. He's worried about Rey and Ava. The image of Rey having an anxiety attack, holding Ava as she curled into a ball - it scared him to the death. Poe rushed back and opened the door and searched for them.

He hears Ava crying as the lightning was getting louder. "Rey!" he called out for her. He frantically searched the house but finds them in Ava's room. Rey's sitting in the rocking chair, holding Ava firmly as she rocked their daughter. BB-8 was next to him, mumbling about.

"Poe," Rey blinked. "What are you doing here? I thought you were supposed to go to-

"I was worried about you two," he answered, blinking several times. Rey was relaxed, unaffected by the thunder. She was soothing Ava, humming a song to their daughter. She was humming a song he had hummed to her.

"We're doing fine," she laughed, unaware of his thoughts.

"I wasn't sure," he admitted. "I thought you two would be scared -

"I'm not scared of the the thunder," she chuckled to herself. It was sweet of him to rush back - he was worried for them.

"You used to be -

"I'm not anymore. I'm not anymore because of you," she smiled. She tugged him by the sleeve of his shirt and kissed him. "We're fine," she said calmly. "You should go before they wonder where you went."

Poe breathed but smiled to himself. He had forgotten how she was used to adapt. "I'll be back as soon as I can," he whispered to the both of them. "I love you Rey."

* * *

 **To be continued.**


	4. The Matchmaker

**A/N: so I deleted the author notes/chapter two because it was unneeded and was the author notes. Chapter 3 is a new chapter, read it first if you haven't read it yet.**

* * *

He sings. He sings whenever he can. He sings when he's by himself, when he's sad or happy, he sings when she's sad and scared. He sings to make her feel better. Poe had a nice voice, surprisingly, soothing and smooth. His voice was fluid and like velvet, crisp and cool underneath her skin. He's singing to Ava now, he's holding his daughter in his arms as if she weighed only a feather.

He's swaying side to side, singing her a lullaby.

Rey loved hearing him sing. She loved his voice, the way his eyes smiled with him - and seeing the dimples on his face. She was sitting on the couch, watching in awe and adoration. He was such a wonderful father - and a wonderful man. He took care of them - he loved them with all his heart.

Ava's screams became soft until she was fast asleep. Rey stood up and held her arms for her daughter. "You have to go now," she said cautiously. It had stopped raining and the sky was clearing up. "They must be looking for you."

Poe nodded and forcing himself to give Ava away to Rey.

* * *

 _It's funny to think that all of this - meeting Rey, befriending her, dating her and marrying her - happened because of BB-8._

 _Technicality the map was the reason but Poe liked to give his wonderful droid props._

 _BB-8 had chosen her to follow when Poe was assumed dead. BB-8 chose her out of all the other people in the galaxy for a reason._

 _"Why her?" Poe asked. Rey was a lovely girl but he couldn't help but to wonder why BB-8 had chosen her as a temporary master. Why not Finn? Why not Han? That was something he wanted to know._

 _His droid span in circles, clinking and clanking._

 _"She's nothing like me," he laughed._

 _BB-8 let out a loud beep._

 _"So what if she's also a pilot? There's other pilots you know." Poe wasn't impressed by this information at all. He's constantly surrounded by other pilots. This was nothing out of the ordinary. There were plenty of women pilots._

 _BB-8 made a louder sound._

 _"So she's a mechanic," Poe restated what his droid had said. He shrugged absentmindedly. "Doesn't mean anything, BB-8."_

 _His droid mumbled._

 _Poe couldn't help but to chuckle. His droid was frustrated._

 _She also saved me, BB-8 emphasized. She's thoughtful and caring. She saved me instead of her own safety. Others would have sold me for parts but she didn't._

 _Poe laughed. "It's the right thing that's why. Anyone would have done the same."_

 _BB-8 mumbled again._

* * *

 _She's tough as nails, that Rey. He had witnessed her beat down several storm troopers with just her bare hands even. He had seen her fly a ship when it was on the verge of crashing - he had seen her rip through circuits with a sprained hand to delay the fall. Rey doesn't let anyone fight her own battles. She doesn't runaway. Rey was a calculating person. She's very spunky and opinionated. She doesn't let herself go unheard at all but somehow manages to be respectful to everyone. Poe couldn't help but to be perplexed by her. She was a very different soul, very out there. She stood out in crowds of women._

 _She's intimidating and rough around the edges but when it came to BB-8, she was very loving towards his droid. BB-8 enjoyed seeing her. BB-8 acted the way when Poe came back from missions. He would watch his droid spin around in circles, beeping and bopping in joy._

 _It perplexed him to see his droid be fond over someone else besides him._

 _Poe wasn't jealous, he was just amazed._

 _BB-8 was a kind droid but doesn't treat everyone the same. BB-8 treated Poe the best because Poe was BB-8's master._

 _Poe doesn't see Rey on a day to day bases due to their responsibilities. He sees her now and then. It was a rare occasion to see her in person. But when Poe does see her, BB-8 comes rolling like the wind to greet her._

 _"I missed you too, BB-8," she laughed, staring down at the fumbling droid. She went on one knee to pet BB-8._

 _"I never see him act like that with anyone but me," Poe stated with a small smile. It was nice, seeing her eyes soften for his beloved droid. She looked calm when she did, sweet even. The women he had been with never looked like that when they were around BB-8. The women he had been with saw BB-8 as just a ball of metal instead of his beloved and loyal companion._

 _"We go way back that's why," she said, shooting a look at BB-8. "BB-8's the first friend I made actually," she admitted, a blush escaping her cheeks. She couldn't help but to be embarrassed. Her first real friend wasn't a person or a creature at all but a ball of metal._

 _Poe chuckled. "There's nothing wrong with that," he assured her. "BB-8's family to me. My closest friend."_

 _Rey smiled then._

 _"Thank you for looking after my droid," he said. He hadn't formally thank her for keeping BB-8 safe for him while he was captured and was swamped with orders from the Resistance._

 _"It was no trouble at all," Rey said, wrapping her arms around BB-8. "It was a pleasure taking care of the droid of the great Poe Dameron," she admitted shyly._

 _Poe blinked. She had the same tone she used when they had first met each other, that voice of admiration._

 _BB-8 beeped at him._

 _Poe grinned and nodded. "I like the way you think," he said to BB-8 before looking at Rey. "I'll take you out to eat some time to properly thank you for taking care of my droid."_

 _Rey quickly shook her hands. "No, it's fine -_

 _BB-8 made a loud sound._

 _Rey lightly laughed. BB-8 was begging her to say yes. "Fine."_

* * *

 _BB-8 was following Poe around. Poe was in his room, changing into comfortable clothes._

 _BB-8 clanked and beeped. You two are perfect for each other._

 _"I don't know about that," Poe responded to his droid. "She's a nice girl but I'm not interested. She's a kid."_

 _His droid purposely ran into a wall._

 _"I know she's eighteen but I'm thirty. That's too big of an age difference for me. Besides, she's not really my type."_

 _BB-8 ran into the wall again._

* * *

 _Poe was assigned to another mission again. It was a dangerous mission and he didn't want anything to happen to BB-8. BB-8 was used to being alone when Poe was gone but Poe always felt bad when he left his droid. He always leaves his droid under good care however. Poe always had a different person to watch BB-8 because Poe was afraid of being a burden. He was running out of people and so he goes to her, Rey._

 _"I was wondering - since you're going to be here for a break and all - if you can watch BB-8 for me," he said to her awkwardly, running his hand through his curls. He was never awkward before but he was right now for some reason. Probably because she was here at the base to visit and relax from her training. Poe couldn't help but to feel bad but he was desperate._

 _"Sure, I love BB-8," she grinned at him._

 _"I'll pay you back, I promise -_

 _"No it's okay," she waved her hand at him. "It's no problem at all."_

 _"Really?"_

 _Rey laughed. "Yeah."_

* * *

 _He comes back rushing for his droid the second his mission was over._

 _"Was BB-8 a handful?"_

 _"As always but that's his charm," she teased. They were in her room. Rey was on the ground, wiping dirt off of BB-8. "How was your mission?" she asked._

 _"It was fine."_

 _"I want to hear about it," she coaxed with bright eyes. There's fondness in her tone. He was aware that she admired him for some time now._

 _"It's just the same thing that's all."_

 _"Yes but I like hearing you talk."_

 _Poe grinned at her then, finding himself winking in response._

* * *

 _Somewhere down the line, he craves her company. Talking to her was wonderful. He was able to talk and not spend the rest of the time explaining terms to her. She knew first hand and understood him. She was a great listener and it made him happy, to have someone that understood him, that took the time to listen._

 _Most women got bored when he talked about work but she didn't._

 _It was kind of great to have someone with the same interests._

 _"Do you have a girlfriend?" she asks out of nowhere. They were fixing her ship together. BB-8 was playing with tools, digging into the box._

 _Poe cleared his throat but remained calm. "No."_

 _"Why not?" she asked in almost a demanding tone._

 _He shrugged. "Too much of hassle, I suppose."_

 _"A hassle?" she raised her eyebrow. "As in being faithful?"_

 _"No," he said. Well kind of. It was kind of hard being faithful and serious to someone you saw only saw the person now and then. "I'm always gone. It's hard to be serious and committed because I'm always gone. It's nothing but pain when you are committed. Missing someone when you have no control of your schedule is the worst feeling. You don't know when you'll see them and when you're there you don't know how long you can stay before being called out again."_

 _Rey nodded. She knew where he was coming from. "Will you ever settle down though?"_

 _"I suppose when I retire. I'm still young."_

 _"What age do you plant to retire?" she laughed._

 _"When I'm forty something."_

 _"That's still young though," she laughed._

 _"Yes but by that age, I'll probably be crippled from all the injuries. How about you?"_

 _"What about me?"_

 _"Do you have a boyfriend."_

 _"No," she said quietly._

 _Poe shrugged. "It's not a big deal. It's easier that way."_

 _"I never had a boyfriend. I never dated before either."_

 _Poe blinked. He found it odd that she didn't but reminded himself that she lived in Jakku her whole life. There wasn't exactly dashing bachelors. "It's okay."_

 _"Well I would like to date and juggle my work," she said. "I will find the time."_

 _Poe chuckled. "It's easier said than done."_

* * *

"Daddy," Ava mouths perfectly the second Poe left.

Rey couldn't help but laugh. The moment Ava said daddy, Poe wasn't around.

"Daddy," Ava says again, even more clearly this time.

"He's gone baby girl but he'll back," Rey soothed her daughter.

Ava said daddy again, unable to comprehend. Ava squirmed and so Rey placed her on the ground. Ava crawled about as BB-8 followed her. "Daddy," Ava said again.

Ava was looking for Poe, Rey realized.

Ava started to cry.

Rey scooped her up. "It's okay, baby," she coaxed, rubbing her daughter's back. Rey couldn't help but to be shaken. It was the first time Ava had looked for Poe. Ava was getting older now, she was starting to remember things. Soon Ava will be old enough to walk and talk and wait for her dad - to miss her dad. It killed Rey that there was nothing she could do about it. For the past months, Rey's only problem was learning to adjust being a wife to a pilot and soon she had to adjust on how to comfort Ava when she missed her dad. Rey quickly kissed Ava's eyes and squeezed her tight. "He'll be back, I promise."

* * *

 **to be continued**


	5. First Time

She hates it when people tell her that she's changed. She hates it when people say that she's grown weak since her marriage to Poe. They didn't know any better, she knew but still it infuriated her. There was nothing wrong with missing someone. Rey was perfectly capable of taking care of Ava without him and managing on her own but it didn't mean that she couldn't miss him or want him around. Missing someone didn't mean weakness. Neither did crying.

It was human to cry. To want. To love. People had put her on such a high pedestal that it was almost forbidden of her to express any of her doubts or concerns. It didn't mean that she wasn't independent or strong anymore, it just meant that she was growing and is able to open up - to finally depend on someone else than herself.

Rey had spent her whole life alone, taking care of herself. She's completely fine with that, but what she wasn't fine with was that those kind of people were shocked and so against to her wanting her husband around. She wants him around not for her sake but her daughter's. She wants her daughter to have a father around - to not go through years of waiting for him the way Rey used to do for her family. She wants the best for her daughter. Rey wanted to give her everything - a family, a home, and love.

Why wasn't it acceptable to be an independent woman that cried sometimes? That had struggles? Insecurities? Rey was human. There was nothing wrong with crying or relying on someone for once. She had spent her whole life bottling her emotions and being afraid to open up and she wasn't going to do that. She liked to have things out in the open now.

* * *

Poe had been gone for two months now, Ava was now eleven months - Rey couldn't believe how fast Ava was growing. Ava was going to be one soon.

Where has the time gone?

Ava was growing so fast - she was almost walking now and talking even more than before.

Rey constantly tells Ava about Poe, about her old life in Jakku, about the Resistance - everything almost. She loved Ava so much - Rey wanted her daughter to know her world. Before, Rey's world was so small. So lonely. Rey wonders as she brushes Ava's hair, when she should go back to her training and going on missions.

Rey had thought about it constantly since she was pregnant with Ava. Should she go back when Ava turns one? Or two? Or when Ava turns six? Who will watch her when Rey wasn't around? Will Ava forget her?

She bit her lip as she brushed Ava's hair. Ava was fumbling around in the chair, humming a song that came to mind. Just like her father. Ava was so much like Poe.

From the beginning, Rey wanted to have a child when things were going well. No war. No conflict. But things don't always go as planned.

She loved being a mother but she had to do what was right. People needed her and she wasn't going to turn her back on them. This - being away from fighting for almost a year, was just a short detour. Ava needed Rey.

Rey sighed as she scooped her child into her arms. She had to decide when to go back and have it settled. Rey never planned on being a mother this early and Poe never planned on getting anyone pregnant for that matter. They were so careful - she sworn they were. She never let him cum inside of her - they always pulled out.

Things happen though.

* * *

She remembers their first time together.

It was her first time but for him, it wasn't.

They were a heat of passion couple, never planning anything beforehand. It had been like that since they first kissed each other in the spur of the moment. They were in an uncharted planet and had found an abandoned cottage. Poe was injured and she was aiding him.

 _"I told you to go back to the base," she scowled at him. She was angry. His ship was breaking down during a fight with several storm troopers but instead of listening to her, he fought them off and crashed his ship along with spraining his arm and cutting his leg. "I was doing fine before you showed up," she huffed. She was mad. It was such a stupid thing of him to do. He could have died. If he did what he was told, he would have been fine and the storm troopers wouldn't have gotten away. If he left, she would have taken the storm troopers in instead of letting them run in order to save him._

 _"I thought you needed help," he responded calmly, his eyes locked on to her as she disinfected his cut. He watches in awe and amazement in how self reliant she is. She doesn't give him any bit of sympathy. She gives him a piece of her mind and Poe couldn't help but to admire that._

 _Rey rolled her eyes. "I don't need help. I was doing fine before you showed up."_

 _Poe flinched. "You mean today or in general?"_

 _"Ask me that later when I'm not mad," she said without another word. She knew her temper was getting the best of her and she didn't want to have a fight with him for no reason. She knew he meant well but he had to understand that she was fine on her own. She continued to clean his cuts and aid his arm._

 _"I'm sorry," he said, his eyes mirrored a sad child's. "I know you can take care of yourself but I just care for you that's all." Poe meant it. He wasn't used to dating someone that had a dangerous job like him. He worried constantly about her, more than he would like to admit._

 _Rey frowned but couldn't help but to blush. "I know," she replied hotly, her cheeks were becoming red to her dismay._

 _He smiled to himself. He liked it when she blushed that he kisses her then. She doesn't want to give in so easily - she wanted to play hard to get but she caves and kisses him. She hadn't seen him in such a long time that she sort of missed him. She missed seeing his droopy eyes, his smile._

 _"Your arm," she managed to say in between kisses._

 _Poe chuckled. He had sprained, broken, dislocated, and pulled out so many muscles and bones over the years that it didn't bother him anymore. "I'm fine," his voice was hoarse as he pressed her to the ground. He winced slightly, her hand automatically went to touch his arm._

 _"Calm down, pilot," she said cheekily through a laugh._

 _Poe laughed and kissed her again. When he kisses her, he kisses her with so much affection, so much sweetness. He cups her cheek when he kisses her, breathes her name onto her skin._ _He's on top of her, she doesn't realize until she felt his hardness. He's on top of her pressed against her, in a compromising position. Rey blinked. She knows where this was leading but she kisses him still. She kisses his forehead, his hair, his neck. She relaxes herself by kissing him everywhere._

 _Rey didn't want him to know that was nervous about this._

 _She doesn't._

 _She doesn't want to appear naive and helpless. She doesn't want to be taken control of. As they kissed, she wonders if she's ready - if she wants to have sex with him. It scared her, just giving yourself to someone. It doesn't bother her that she's a virgin or the pain of the first time. She's only worried if she's able to give herself - to trust someone like that. Rey had liked him for some time but at this moment, she feels unsure._

 _She hadn't been with anyone else before._

 _Her chest is heating up, burning almost. A strange sensation spreads across her body almost out of nowhere but it was building up since they had kissed. She was becoming aroused, she could tell by how her breasts were swelling, her cheeks becoming red, and her breathing was becoming uneven. Her body, doesn't feel like her body. She feels out of her skin._

 _"I'll be so gentle with you," he breathes. He vows. He laid himself in between her breasts and stroked her hand._

 _Rey's heart skipped a beat. "Why?" she asks. Demands._

 _Poe laughed gently and shrugged nonchalantly. "Just because I want to."_

 _She wonders if he knows that she's never done it before - most likely he does but Rey still refuses to say anything about it. She doesn't like the concept of being a virgin and having your virginity taken away. It sounded so masochistic to her. So degrading almost. When she hit puberty, men in Jakku would try to seduce her and try to sleep with her for their own interests. Naturally, Rey refused. She didn't like to be objectified but this, this was different._

 _He was different._

 _His soft curls tickling her nose, his hand grasping hers as he buries himself into her chest for protection - this was different. She's not sure if after this they'll be together for a long time or not, but she wants to sleep with him regardless. Even if she never sees him after this, she still wants him to be her first experience. She knows that the person you first sleep with doesn't always end up loving up in the end but Rey chooses him. He was kind and caring and she trusts him that he'll give her a good experience._

 _"Why do you want to be so gentle with me?" she asked as she pulled off her clothing. Her heart is beating like crazy, aching almost. He was already naked and was waiting for her to do the same._

 _His eyes smiled along with him. He ran his fingers through her hair. "I don't know really," he says casually, lightly teasing her. "I care about you. I know you've never been treated right before but you deserve it. And I think I can give that to you."_

* * *

 **A/N: to be continued**


	6. Memory

_She's in his arms, curled into him, sleeping peacefully. Poe's eyes lowered as his skin tightened. It scares him how attached she was to him. The night was great but it was morning now and Poe had to stop dreaming. He doesn't want her to love him. He doesn't. He doesn't want her to fall for him. He doesn't want to constantly worry about breaking her heart. He doesn't want to have that pressure on his shoulders._

 _He waits for her, waits for her to wake up. He lets her get dressed and adjusted before speaking._

 _"Rey," he murmured as she put on her clothes. He was standing behind her, watching her put her hair up._

 _"Yes?" she gave him a warm smile._

 _He exhaled. "I don't think it's good for us to date."_

 _She froze in place. It felt like as if she had been slapped. Old feelings of rejection resurface again, eating up at her. She's haunted by memories of losing her family - of being left on the planet for years. She swallowed hard but remained calm. "What?" she asked, pressing her lips together. She stood her ground and kept herself unaffected._

 _"It's not you," he said quickly. "You're an amazing girl -it's just not the right time for me to date. We're at war and it isn't a great idea to date right now. We're constantly at different planets and our minds have to focus on other things - do you understand Rey?"_

 _She nodded. She doesn't want to be mad. She understood where he was coming from. She understood his side. "Yes, I do."_

 _Poe shifted back. He was amazed on how well she taking it._

 _"It's alright," she smiled at him. She nudged his shoulder and smiled wider this time, brighter. "I understand. I don't want anything bad to happen between us either."_

 _"What?"_

 _"You're worried about losing our friendship - about hurting me," she stated. Rey wasn't afraid to state the obvious. She wanted to make it clear that she understood him. She could read his thoughts without even trying. "I understand, Poe. And you're right. It's best for us to just be friends," she says with ease. "It's less for us to lose." She wasn't going to show any weakness to him. She doesn't want to cry for anyone anymore. Rey had cried for her family half her life and the other half she spent living in denial that her family was coming back for her. She doesn't want to live in a fantasy anymore._

 _She wanted to be here, in the real world._

 _It startles him, how easy it was for Rey to disconnect herself from him."I really care about you," he whispered. He leaned to touch her shoulder but she moved away._

 _Her chest began to burn. "I know you do," she answered firmly. She doesn't want him to touch her. Not after last night. She wanted to make this as painless as possible for the both of them_ _. "And I care about you."_

* * *

 _She moves on without any hesitation and returns to the way things were between them, before they started to date - before their kiss. She was civil and kind to him. They returned back to their old friendship. He should be relieved how well she was treating the situation but he wasn't. For weeks, he constantly thinks about her, about running his hand underneath her shirt and kissing her._

 _She was seeing someone else now._

 _Rey didn't tell him. Poe had found out on his own through several colleagues. He doesn't say anything to her about it either. She was allowed to date. They weren't together. He couldn't say what she couldn't do but it kills him. It kills him to think that she's with someone else - that she's happy with someone else._

 _He doesn't expect this to effect him so much. He tries to forget her by seeing other women but he thinks about her constantly._

 _It would be one thing if she was constantly talking about her relationship to him and kissing the guy in front of him, but she didn't do any of those things. Rey was keeping it private - she was keeping things professional with Poe. She respected him - she didn't want to hurt him - she was treating this so well. Too well._

 _It was so strange. Women were enamored by him. They fawned over him and fell apart when he ended things but Rey, she wasn't like that. She didn't cry for him. She didn't beg for him to stay._

 _He should be happy but he wasn't. It was killing him. He didn't know why he wasn't happy. He should be but he wasn't._

 _Perhaps, he loved her._

* * *

"You're here," she breathes at the sight of him. He was standing there before her, dressed in casual attire. She didn't expect him to be here a day early but he was. He was there holding presents for Ava's birthday tomorrow.

"Of course I'm here," he chuckled to himself. "I'm not going to miss our daughter's first birthday party. I'm not going to let anything pull me away from that little girl."

He lets himself in, shutting the door. His eyes are on Rey, keeping her set into his view. He loved her more each time he was away from her. "I missed you," he murmured faintly.

"I missed you too," she said, holding her composure. She doesn't show any weakness. She had became acquired to being a pilot's wife and it doesn't bother her anymore. Rey was going to continue her training in a few months and she plans to go on missions when Ava was a little older - four or five.

He hugged her and kissed her on the mouth. He was about to open his mouth until Ava came running into the living room, chasing after BB-8. He blinked and stared at her. He hadn't seen his daughter in months that he barely recognizes her. Her dark curls was longer now, at her back and her eyes - she had Rey's eyes. She had Poe's coloring but now she was beginning to look more like her mother. Ava looked so much like Rey now, with her mother's spirit to match. Ava was chasing after BB-8, making shooting sounds with her mouth.

Poe scooped Ava up and held her tightly. He gave her a goofy smile.

Ava blinked and examined him for a long time. A small smile crept on her face. "Daddy."

Poe smiled back at her and kissed her head. "Hi princess," he said softly.

Ava giggled and touched his neck in fascination. He feels familiar to her, she thought. Poe knew what she was thinking. He stroked his daughter's hair and held her even tighter. "I missed you so much." He thought about them every day since he was gone. He constantly dreamed about holding his daughter and kissing his wife. He pulled Rey by the wrist and he held the both of them. He stared at Rey, locked onto her green eyes. They had been through so much together. His heart began to beat. "No matter what, I'll always be here."

* * *

 **To be continued**

* * *

a/n: this story shall end soon. one or two chapters.


	7. Looking Back

a/n: M rating chapter

* * *

 _Sweat trickles from his forehead and drips onto her skin, onto her collarbone. He leaned to quickly wipe her off but she doesn't let him. "It's okay," she murmured. "Don't stop," she instructed as she bucked her hips closer to him._

 _He kisses her then, proceeding to thrust into her. **Slow, be slow** , he told himself. **Slow. Slow. Slow- be slow. **Damn it, be slow. It was hard for him to be slow - to listen to his own precautions. They had just gotten back together - he should be slow with her, gentle. But he isn't. They're half clothed - well she is anyways. She was naked from the waist down while he was still in his clothes, with only his zipper undone. Slow - be slow, he tells himself, his teeth getting into a grit. "Fuck," he mutters out loud, releasing a sign of frustration. He goes fast then, pounding into her. The bed was shaking, squeaking ever so annoyingly. "Fuck," he repeats again and went faster._

 _Rey couldn't help but to let out a small laugh. She had never seen him act like this before, so frantic - so wild - so virile. He was thrusting into her, numbing her. "Calm down, pilot," she teased, lightly laughing as he sat her up and began to thrust into her again. He feels bigger in this position - she felt so small, so tight. She can feel everything, him pulsating into her. For a second she thinks she's bleeding but she realized that she wasn't. It was something else. She was wet, wet from him - wet from him inside of her, wet from the sight of his strong arms and his creased face._

 _"You feel so good," he said through a moan._

 _"What? I never felt good before?" she laughed but it was a short laugh, ended by an abrupt moan. He felt so good inside of her._

 _He pushed her down to the bed, keeping his pace stable as he slipped his hand underneath her tunic. He felt her up, groping her breast. Her breasts were warm, almost as hot as her folds. "No. It's just - I missed you so much -_

 _She kissed him again, kisses him to shut up. She doesn't want here this, his sadness. They don't know where they were going with this relationship but she doesn't want to think about it right now. She just wanted him to take her. "Go faster," she whispered to his mouth. "Don't hold back."_

 _His eyes flickered in want as he subconsciously licked his lips. He does so without a second question._

 _"D-o-do you wa-nt your clot-hes off?" she asked, struggling to speak._

 _"Take them off for me," his voice was hoarse. His hair is disheveled and his gaze was disoriented._

 _She smiled to herself and before Poe could blink, she pushed him off of her and went on top of him without a problem. She was strong and sometimes he forgets that._

 _He remained on his back, his eyes focused on her. She was sitting on top of him nonchalantly with a sly smile on her face. "Take off the rest of your clothes first," he instructed to her firmly._

 _Rey grinned and was about to until he put his arm on her wrist._

 _"Put me inside of you first," he said, lust taking over him. She was sitting on him, a mere inch from his hardened member. She does so, sliding herself slowly. Poe shuddered and felt himself getting bigger. It felt so natural for her to be there, for him to be inside of her. "Now take off your shirt," he whispered lowly._

 _She obeyed, lightly moving to ease the building pressure._

 _Instinctively, his hands touched her bare breasts. "I just want to eat them," he whispered, his eyes locked on to her. Her breasts looked bigger to him, perkier. So soft, so firm._

 _She swatted his hand. "Wait," she smirked to herself. "You're not undressed yet."_

 _He flipped her over again and pinned her arms down. "I can't wait."_

 _"You'll be sweaty though - you'll get your clothes covered in sweat," she said sharply with a smile. He was already sweaty as it is in his thick clothes._

 _"I don't care," he chuckled._

* * *

 _They were never in a position too long. They constantly switched to positions, having her underneath him or on him - having him on her knees - they constantly switched and tried different things._

 _"Do I make you feel better than anyone else?" his voice was low. He was still inside of her but this time he was thrusting slowly. He was close to coming but he wanted to stay inside her a bit longer._

 _"I never did this with anyone else besides you," she admitted._

 _Poe blinked. "Really?"_

 _"Yeah," she laughed. "I didn't feel comfortable to do this with anyone else." She looked at him and smiled sweetly._

 _He smiled back but it faded when he realized he was about to come. He pulled out and frantically came onto the bed sheets. Poe breathed heavily and waited until he stopped panicking before he turned to her with huge eyes. He was so focused on to her and the moment that he didn't even notice. "I didn't come into you did I -_

 _"I don't think so -_

 _"You sure?"_

* * *

And that was when Ava was conceived. It had to be that day. That was the only time he slipped up and the rest of the times he pulled out right away. But he likes to think of it as romantic moment, they made a baby together. Even though they weren't married then, Poe thinks of it as a sweet thing. They made a baby that day.

He must have kissed Rey's stomach a hundred times every night when she was pregnant.

 _This was the mother of his child, his soon to be wife. They were going to have a child in a matter of months. They were going to be a family._

 _She was barely showing but they knew the baby was there._

 _"Do you love me?" she asks as he laid himself beside her. They were on his bed, fully clothed. They had return from a mission together - they will be married in only a matter of days._

 _Poe raised his eyebrow but remained patient as ever with his feisty girl. "Of course I do -_

 _"Are you sure? Are you sure that you do and not because you have to?"_

 _He frowned. "Rey," he sighed to himself. He wrapped his arms around her then, pulling her to his embrace. He placed her on his chest and stroked her hair. "You know I love you."_

 _"Yes but I know we're only marrying to protect our reputations," she answered, unafraid to be bold. To be truthful. They would have been looked down upon if they weren't married and were expecting a child. They were perceived as role models, respectable and modest people that could do no wrong. "We're only marrying because I'm pregnant-_

 _"Don't say that -_

 _"It's true," she mumbled, instinctively touching her stomach. No one knew she was pregnant and no one questioned why they were going to marry so quickly. They believed in what Poe told them, that he wanted to marry her and not waste any moment._

 _He kissed her forehead, her mouth - her frown. "No," he shushed her. "Don't think that's the only reason. Rey, I love you. I think that our baby is a blessing."_

 _"Why?" she asked, attempting to brush off his kisses. They were dating casually - they dated other people on the side._

 _"Because we're indecisive people, Rey. You and me. We love each other but are afraid of getting hurt and getting too close. Without our baby, we wouldn't settle down with each other until probably years later. I'm happy that I get to have you now, right away instead of wasting time."_

 _"It doesn't make me feel any better."_

 _Poe chuckled and kissed her cheeks. "I know. But think of this, we get to have each other now, instead of later. We get to have more time together."_

 _"Are you afraid to be a father?"_

 _"Yes but I'm also excited."_

 _"You don't have to marry me if you don't want to. I don't want you to be forced into this. You can just be there for the baby -_

 _"I want to also be there for you."_

 _Her heart skipped a beat._

 _"But before this you were dating other women - don't you want to be unattached -_

 _"I just want you."_

 _She wants to believe him but she doesn't. "You have trouble with commitment," she reminded him. She doesn't let herself fall for own emotions._

 _"I don't now -_

 _"Because of the baby," her eyes narrowed._

 _He laughed to himself. She was so cute when she was skeptical. He stroked her hair slowly and smiled at her. Beautiful. She was beautiful. "Our baby," he whispered, lowering his head to her. There was fondness in his tone, warmth._

 _"What if you got some other girl pregnant. I'm pretty sure we won't be together -_

 _"That isn't the case though. I just got you pregnant."_

 _"That's not really romantic."_

 _"We made a child together, Rey. I held you that day. I kept kissing you. I never let you go."_

 _"Did you sleep with anyone else after that?"_

 _"No. Did you?"_

 _"NO! How many times do I have to tell you? Only you. You're one hundred and twenty five percent the father. I couldn't sleep with anyone else - I didn't feel comfortable with anyone else."_

 _"I didn't either."_

 _She frowned. He was making it so hard for her to be doubtful when he was being so smooth and charming. "And now we're going to have a baby."_

 _"Our baby," his eyes smiled with him._

* * *

 **to be continued**


	8. The Pilot's Wife

They're beautiful, the both of them. His wife and daughter. Rey was carrying Ava as everyone sang happy birthday to her. Everyone was there, his colleagues, Leia, Chewie, Finn, Luke - everyone. He watched in awe as Ava shyly buried her face into Rey's chest. Rey had dressed Ava in a white dress and styled their daughter's hair just like her's. Ava's hair was finally long enough for her to style up. Ava looked like a little Rey. Poe couldn't help but to smile.

"Happy birthday to you," Poe hummed.

"Make a wish, sweetheart," Rey coaxed her. Chewie was standing in front of them, holding a cake with lit up candles.

Ava shook her head and kept her head covered.

Poe touched Ava's back. "Pretty please, sweetheart?"

"No," Ava mumbled.

Chewie mumbled back at her, urging her to blow out the candles.

"Please?" Rey asked.

"No."

"Can I?" Poe asked Rey with open arms.

She nodded and handed Ava to him.

Ava hid her face into his chest. "Sweetheart, please make a wish." He gently tapped her shoulder and showed her the cake. Ava stared in fascination at the pink cake and candles."Isn't it pretty, baby?" he asked with excitement. "General Leia made it from scratch."

Ava smiled with widened eyes. She held her hand out for a second and quickly put her hand back to her side.

"Do you want to blow out the flames?" he asked, pretending to do so.

Ava giggled at him and touched his face. "Daddy," she said fondly.

His heart melted. She was so cute. He loved it when she called her daddy. "Do you want to do it together?"

She nodded.

"One, two, three."

They blew out the candles together.

Everyone cheered while Ava clapped in delight. Poe kissed the top of his daughter's head. "That's my girl." He put his arm around Rey and brought her closer to him. He looked at her and smiled in adoration. His wife. His daughter. His little family. He couldn't believe how lucky he was. "We'll have fun tonight," he whispered in her ear. He pulled away and winked at her, giving her a smile that was only for her.

She pressed her lips together and concealed a smile.

* * *

"Come here," he said with a smug smile. It was late at night and they were alone in their room. He was laying on the bed while Rey was standing in front of her vanity mirror, taking the ties from her hair.

"What?" Rey asked, pretending that she couldn't here.

Poe smirked. "Come here," he said nonchalantly. He gestured her to come into bed.

Rey shot him a look and shook her head at him. "That last time you spoke like that to me, you ended up getting me pregnant," she said sharply, her hands at her hips.

"I promise I'll be careful this time," he winked at her, his hands were already unbuttoning his shirt. "Besides I'm leaving tomorrow. We haven't properly said goodbye yet."

She rolled her eyes and went to him. He scooped her up and nuzzled her.

He grabbed her hand and placed it down his cock. She groped him and ran her fingers through his hair as he let his lips traveled down to her chest.

"I hate leaving but I love it when we have our goodbyes," he whispered.

She flipped him over and climbed on top of him. She kissed leaned and nibbled on his earlobe. "I know," she smirked. She unzipped his pants and stroked his hard cock. She rubbed his tip and continued to nibble on his ear. His leg twitched as he began to get wet.

Poe moaned. He moved and sucked on her bottom lip. "Please suck me," he whispered in a begging tone. He twitched slightly in anticipation.

Rey smirked and went down to his cock. She licked him slowly, taking her time to reach to his tip. She put his hardened member into her mouth and sucked on him slowly.

"Go faster," he urged her.

She ignored him and sucked on him even slower.

Poe growled and bucked his hips, making her go at a faster paste.

* * *

She swallowed everything. The second he was done coming he went on top of her and shoved himself into her. "I wish I can come inside," he breathed, thrusting into her. He still hard and he wanted to fuck her. They always did this the night before he left, make love.

"If you do I'll get pregnant," she said in between pants. She sank her nails into his back and held on to him as he slammed into her back and forth.

"I know but the last time I did it, I only came a little," he laughed. He remembered the night they conceived Ava. He came into Rey a little bit and came the rest on the bed sheets. He only came a little bit into her and got her pregnant just like that. "I want to come completely inside of you."

She blushed and began to lick the side of neck. "I want that too but not now. In the future, okay?"

Poe frowned but nodded. He understood. There were at no place to have another child. Rey planned to go back to her training with Luke next year. "I love you," he said in a low tone. His heart was beating like crazy. He doesn't want to leave her or his daughter, he never does.

"I love you too," she smiled, trying to suppress the tears in her eyes. She always gets like this, emotional. She shut her eyes and held her tears back.

"I'll come back to you, I promise," he whispered, swallowing the lump in his throat. He quickened his pace, making the bed shake. "I always come back to you," he kissed her cheeks.

"And I'll always wait for you," her eyes flickered to him. Her eyes were red on the verge from crying. She doesn't want to cry but she hates it. She hates it when they feel like a family and then the next day he has to leave. She wrapped his arms around his neck and tightened her legs around his waist.

"When I come back, I'll be on vacation," he reminded her. He went faster, keeping his pace consistent. "When I come back, I'll be here for a whole month. We'll get to be together for a whole month, sweetheart."

Rey smiled to herself and kissed him. "I can't wait for you to come back."

* * *

He had been gone for two months and today was coming home. Rey couldn't help but to constantly stare at the door. She missed him terribly. Ava kept tugging on Rey's shirt sleeve. "Mommy," Ava called her, pulling Rey from her thoughts. They were in the living room, on the floor playing with BB-8.

Rey looked down and smiled at her. She scooped her daughter up. "I'm sorry, I'm just a bit distracted," she explained. "I'm waiting for daddy."

Ava smiled and touched her cheek.

"He's supposed to come home two hours ago," she sighed. She shook her head and proceeded to play with her daughter. _He'll come soon,_ she thought. _He will._

* * *

He didn't come home or the day after that. Rey was getting worried. _Maybe he's held up at work,_ she told herself. She had been trying to contact him but nothing.

He was supposed to come home.

"Let's go to the base and visit Chewie and Leia," Rey said to Ava. She put on Ava's jacket on and put her hair into three buns. Rey smiled to herself. She loved dressing her daughter up.

Ava's eyes lit up in delight.

She scooped up her baby and gestured for BB-8 to follow them. She was about to open the door until the door knocked. Rey blinked and calmly opened the door. "Jerril," she blinked. Jerril was a colleague of Poe. "Hi how are-

"Rey," Jerril frowned, blinking several times.

Her heart stopped beating. Something was wrong. "Yes? What's going on?"

"Poe...Poe...

"What about Poe?" she clutched on to Ava.

"Poe's been captured."

* * *

to continue


	9. Mementos

He's gone.

Poe's ...gone.

It didn't seem real to her.

It felt like a bad dream.

"Rey," Jerril said slowly, lightly tapping her shoulder.

She blinked several times, pulling herself from her thoughts. Ava kept looking at her mother with confusion and clung on to her. Ava didn't know what was going on but something was off, she knew. "What exactly happened?" Rey said in a hard tone, standing a little bit straighter.

Rey kept herself indifferent to the news, kept herself together. It wasn't just her that she had to look out for, she had Ava. She was a mother.

She looked at Jerril with stern eyes.

She's hurt. She's scared. Jerril could see through the mask.

Jerril stammered slightly but managed to speak. "Several storm troopers took down his ship -

"Do you know where he is?"

He shook his head and frowned. "No. We just found his ship the other day but he wasn't there."

Rey's skin tightened. There were several First Order bases - many that were kept in secret."

"I'm sorry," he breathed. "We'll contact you if we have any other leads."

"Why wasn't I informed about this sooner?" she gritted her teeth. Her blood was boiling. Why would they take him - did they know? Did the First Order know that Poe was her husband?

Jerril blinked several times and stared at her sheepishly. He wasn't good with giving bad news. This happened all the time - pilots are either kidnapped and killed and someone had to tell their families. "We wanted to try to find him first -

"I know," she exhaled, closing her eyes. She understood but she didn't want to. "Thank you," she said and closed the door. She walked around the house, holding Ava protectively. BB-8 followed them around with a disheartened tone. She was feeling something, feeling something she had never felt before.

Poe was taken. He was taken away.

He didn't leave her.

He was taken.

It was tragic.

Cruel.

Tears filled her eyes as her legs became weak.

Ava noticed Rey's tears first and kissed her mother's cheek. Rey smiled slightly and kissed her daughter's head. "Daddy will come soon," she assured Ava.

But Rey didn't know if he will.

She doesn't know where he was or if he was already gone.

* * *

It hurts to handle Ava to anyone but Poe but she has to. She was going to find Poe and so she had to leave Ava behind. She gives her daughter to one of the babysitters in the Resistance base. She leaves BB-8 there as well despite the fact that he wanted to accompany Rey. BB-8 understood though, Ava needed company. Comfort. General Organa and Finn will take turns watching Ava as well while Rey was away but it's still painful.

It hurts to hear Ava cry for her as Rey walked away - to hear her daughter call out mommy over and over. It hurts for her to see Ava so sad - to leave her child.

She feels as if she was abandoning her daughter.

Her daughter's cries sound just like hers when Rey was a little girl.

Rey promised herself she would never do that - and she hasn't, she reminds herself. She's going to come back for Ava, she reminds herself. She will come back. She will bring back Poe and make it out alive. Rey wasn't going to let herself die.

Ava needed her and Rey wasn't going to let anything happen.

But...why did it still hurt?

Why did this feel wrong?

Rey had to do something. She wasn't going to wait around for the others to find her husband. She didn't want to wait in safety. She wants to help find him. She was strong. She was independent. And them, Poe and her, they were partners and she couldn't leave him.

* * *

She goes back to the scene of the crime, to the only source of evidence that the Resistance have. She goes inside of the wrecked ship. It's only been five days since Poe was gone (and two days since she's been away from her daughter) and the ship was already covered in bugs and vines. There's scraps everywhere, scattered for miles and traces of burn marks.

It frightens her, the sight.

It reminds her of when she was back in Jakku and how she used to scavenged for scraps of lost ships and fragments of the lost.

There's mementos of her in the ship. Mementos of her and Ava and BB-8. He keeps them in a drawer and on top of the control panels.

Those were the only things that were important to him.

A few of those things he keeps is a letter she wrote to him and the white ribbons she wore for their wedding.

Rey shook her thoughts and followed the trail of scraps.

* * *

 _His eyes are on her, fixated by the way she looked. His eyes are drawn mainly to her hair - its still in her hairstyle of three buns but there are three white ribbons in them to set her white dress. Her dress was long with off the shoulder long white lace sleeves. A smile crept over his face as he tightened his grip around her waist. He wants to talk to her but he can't. They were dancing. They were dancing their first dance as husband and wife with hundreds of guests watching, surrounded by thousands of white flower petals. He didn't think getting married in a base would ever be this pretty._

 _"Your hair," he murmured, grinning to himself. He speaks in a quiet tone, everyone was watching them, the newly weds._

 _Rey quickly touched her hair and turned red. "What about my hair?" she asked defensively in a low voice. She was stiff with dancing - everyone was watching her. She's only danced twice in her life - and counting this, this was her third time. She's nervous. Self conscious while he was not. He was in his own little world and she was in his world._

 _She steps on his feet three times but he remained unaffected._

 _He remained...Poe and his Dameron self._

 _Poe laughed to himself. "It looks nice," he said in awe. He touched the back of her hair for a moment as he twirled her. He chuckled again. "I like it."_

 _Rey blushed and followed his movements. She keeps her focus on him instead of the people. She gets lost in his friendly eyes, his laugh lines, his smile. She gets lost in the way his hair is slicked back and the way he looked in his suit._

 _"You look beautiful," he comments with a wider grin. He couldn't say it during the ceremony and he didn't care if this was a bad time._

 _Accidentally, she steps on his foot again. "I'm sorry-_

 _"It's okay," he smiled as he bit his lip at her affectionately. He twirled her again and_ _brought her into a kiss._

 _He pulled away and continued their dancing. "You're look so beautiful - how is this possible?"_

 _"What?" Rey raised her eyebrow at him._

 _"That you look even more beautiful than usual," he breathed._

* * *

 _When the ceremony ends, they go to their cottage. They just bought it a few days ago, it's two miles from the Resistance Base. It's a small place. Nothing extravagant. It's homely. They're still in their wedding clothes but she knows that it won't be for any longer._

 _Their home is empty still even thought they moved in all their things already and got furniture. It feels empty because it's new. There's no memories yet._

 _He scoops her up without any warning and holds her tight._

 _"What are you doing?" her eyes narrowed. She's kicking, attempting to get out but the dress was restraining her movements._

 _Poe laughed but held her still. "I'm carrying my wife," he responds in a smart manner. "Bridal style. Tradition," he gave her a wink._

 _She frowned. She doesn't like it - being held without her consent. She feels small when he does this. "You could have given me a warning! You nearly scared me to death!"_

 _Poe pouted at her but they both knew he didn't care. He gave her a wet kiss on her mouth and then her throat. "How are you?" he asks, switching his demeanor. His expression is full of concern now._

 _"I'm good," she responded with confusion._

 _He put her down and went on his knees to kiss her stomach. He kisses her lightly, it felt like butterflies to her. "You barely ate at the reception." He kisses her stomach, he kisses everywhere._

 _Rey couldn't help but to feel giddy. She loves it, how much he adored her and the baby. "I'm fine. I just kept thinking about fruit."_

 _"Do you want some water too?"_

 _"That'll be nice -_

 _He runs and comes back with a large bowl of assorted fruit and a glass of water. Her pregnancy had made her only crave fruits - her meals consisted of only fruit. No one thought much of it since this was her main diet anyways._

 _Rey laughed. "Thank you," she said as she took the bowl and cup. They sit down on the couch - he watches her eat and lets her settle before speaking._

 _He held her hand throughout this - he's very attentive with her and the pregnancy. He always checked up on her and was there whether she craved certain foods or was sore or sick. At first it was overbearing and Rey felt smothered but she became fond to it. He had a good heart._

 _"What do you want the baby to be?" she asked as she placed the things on the table. She rested her head on the side of his shoulder, keeping their hands interlocked. They were still in their wedding clothes._

 _"Hmm?" he raised his eyebrow._

 _"Do you want the baby to be a boy or a girl?" her heart skipped a beat. She has a sinking feeling that the baby's going to be a girl._

 _Poe shrugged and chuckled. "It doesn't matter to me. I'll love our baby regardless."_

 _"Don't you want a boy and see him take after you?" she asked, baiting him._

 _"Yes," he admitted. He's dreamed about it since he found out she was pregnant. He constantly thought about a little boy that was just like him -that dreamed to be a pilot too. "But it doesn't matter to me. Boy or girl, I'll love our baby no matter what." He squeezed her hand and kissed the side of her head. "Rey," he called out for her._

 _"Yes?" she turned to him, locking her gaze to him._

 _"I promise I'll be good to you," he exhaled, swallowing hard._

 _Her heart skipped a beat and something...sparked. She kissed him then, kissed him eagerly. She pushed him down on the couch and pinned him._

 _He laughed as he was being crushed by her. She was on top of him, showering him with kisses. "Relax, Jedi," he teased._

 _Rey shot him a look and proceeded to kiss him. "It is our wedding night though."_

* * *

There was something glimmering in the dirt.

Rey ran to it and began to dig. She was four miles away from the ship - the scraps of the ship had led her to here. She dug frantically with her bare hands.

No - it couldn't be.

She stopped and stared at it.

No...it couldn't.

Her throat began to burn. She swallowed hard and forced herself to lift up the item - Poe's helmet. It was dented and covered in dirt.

There were burn marks, layers of it was peeling off before her. Carefully, she brushed the dirt off and exhaled. She held the helmet tightly - her whole body was shaking. She felt him. He's still here. She can still feel his presence. She closed her eyes - she could hear his voice still.

 _"You can't be mad at me for that," Poe hugged her tightly. He was still on her, sneaking nips on her throat._

 _She suppressed herself from moaning. "You made me feel horrible," she spat out. "I said I love you and you just laughed and smiled. You didn't even say it back."_

 _"I put my helmet on you," he explained._

 _"And?"_

 _"That's how I say I love you."_

* * *

to be continued

* * *

A/n: in response to a question: yes in the future I want to write my own books but right now busy with college and life


	10. Flirt

Two days had passed and she still couldn't find him. Rey doesn't let this discourage her however. She keeps going. She's on her way to another First Order base.

To keep her mind busy, she thinks of things. She thinks of her daughter back home and her droid and her husband.

* * *

Like all normal couples, they fight. They fight now and then about little things but that was it. They didn't fight constantly or for long periods of time - that wasn't them. They have things out of the open and discuss until its resolved.

It surprises people, how rarely they fought - how easygoing they were with each other.

They were alike. They understood each other. They had similar interests and morals and they balanced each other. He was calm and patient while she was stubborn and fiery and adaptive. They were both proud with a strong sense of morality and pride. They were both strong and excellent leaders and when they were together, they were partners. They were equal.

It was a perfect match from the beginning, a happy union for that matter. No one was upset or baffled when Poe and Rey announced their wedding even though they knew each other for a few months. Rey and Poe, they were good for each both smother their daughter and BB-8 had to be the mediator for when either of them went over the top.

They fight about little things - things that she can't remember really. Little things - like wanting Poe to relax when he comes home instead of running about trying to make up for lost time or when he smothers her and tries to take over with things. Poe does that a lot, try to take over and do the work. He's been doing that even before they were dating. Before her, Poe was so used to being alone and doing things on his own. He was so used to being independent and depending on someone to do a share of work was so strange to him.

Other than that, they don't fight much.

He's a good husband and partner and friend -Rey couldn't imagine them ever being like other couples. Other couples that fight constantly and scream and yell - couples that hate each other - couples that leave for periods of time when they fight and sleep with other people. She couldn't see them ever being like that.

The only big fight they ever had wasn't really a fight at all.

It was when they were dating (or sorta dating) and her jealousy gotten the best of her.

* * *

 _Technically they weren't dating. They were still in the flirting stage. They haven't kissed or anything - they were just flirting._

 _This was when she and him and Finn were assigned to the same missions together._

 _Rey and Poe - their flirting was innocent. They would smile at each other, offer to help each other and give pointers, and constantly compliment one another. Finn didn't think much of it at first, he assumed that the two were just becoming good friends. Finn was oblivious, too lost in his relief that the two were finally getting along._

 _Rey and Poe were both powerhouses. They liked things a certain way and it was only natural for them to clash with the first few missions._

 _But now Rey and Poe were in sync with each other._

 _It was nice until the missions were over and Rey started to notice how popular Poe was with women. Every woman adored him: civilians and colleagues. Women threw themselves at him and he flirted back. He was extremely flirtatious and Rey couldn't help but to be hurt._

 _She sworn he liked her - now and then he would wink at her and he would always spend time with her- wasn't that a sign that he did?_

 _She couldn't help but to be confused especially when they were stationed on a planet for more than a day. Women would crowd him and beg for his attention and affection. He treated those women differently than her. He was more flirtatious and open. Rey couldn't describe it - it was just...his body language was different._

 _And it was a thing of his, to give items of his to a handful of the group of women as mementos. Apparently he had a lot of the same jackets to give away, which explained why he was willing to give his jacket to Finn._

 _They weren't anything but she thought they could be. She thought he was giving her signs that he liked her- granted she hadn't been around people until recently but Rey was a fast learner._

 _It was extremely uncomfortable when they go to different planets that his exes live. Those were worse than love struck girls. His ex lovers were more touchy with him and it made Rey feel so unimportant. As if she was nothing._

 _Comparing the way he treated her and the other women, she was like a sister to him._

 _"He sees you as a friend," Finn said in between chews. They were in one of the Resistance bases, having lunch in a private area. "Why do you like him?"_

 _Rey shrugged. She's not sure what to think. She's barely been around people before and so Poe's very special to her. He was so strong, brave, and dedicated. She admired him for such a long time - even before meeting him. "I don't know - maybe."_

 _Finn frowned. "He's not the type of person that likes to be tied down, Rey." Finn knew Poe's dating history and how Poe broke hearts left and right. That was one of Poe's main flaws, his inability to commit and settle. Finn didn't want to see Rey get hurt._

 _"I got that," she bit out each word._

 _"He's a nice guy though -_

 _"I know."_

* * *

It was a blur how she lost her temper but she remembered it was at a party.

 _She was in the back, watching Finn dance with a bunch of droids and kids and then moving his way up to this one girl he had his eye on. Poe was dancing with a different girl every few minutes. Rey stood in place and watched quietly. This - this was uncomfortable for her._

 _She's never been to an event like this - she's never danced before. She doesn't know how it goes or what you're supposed to do and so she stays in the back and watches everyone. She was out of touch with this, so different._

 _BB-8 was even dancing, spinning in frantic circles with the little children._

 _Everyone's so happy while she doesn't know how to be happy in a situation like this._

 _Poe doesn't notice her standing alone until BB-8 went to him and pointed it out. She was standing there by herself with a puzzled and shy expression on her face. She almost blends in to the wall with how still she was standing. He realized then that she's never been around so many people before and a social gathering - that she was nervous and afraid. He stops dancing and turned to the girl he was dancing with. "I'm sorry - I have to help a friend," he said politely._

 _Poe goes to her, gently swatting away the other women from approaching him. "Hey," he greets her casually with a smile. He ran his hand over his hair, matting down the hairs that was sticking out._

 _Her arms are wrapped around her still, her posture stiff as ever. "Hi," she mumbled, looking around. Her face began to heat up. Her eyebrows knitted into a scowl, unable to control her body. She suddenly felt embarrassed for some reason and she didn't know why._

 _"How are you?" he asks smoothly. He keeps his smile warm as ever._

 _"Fine," she mumbled again, biting her lip. She was tapping her foot now, trying to distract herself from the fact that she was red._

 _"Do you want to dance?" he holds his hand out for her._

 _She was about to take his hand but she notices other girls looking at him. "No thank you. Don't you have a hundred other girls to dance with?" she snapped, surprising even herself. She doesn't know why she gave him a rude reaction but she did. Rey walked passed him and went to step outside._

 _He followed her out. "What's wrong?"_

 _"Nothing," she gritted her teeth, her hands tightening to fists. She was mad and she doesn't know why. All she knew that she doesn't want him here, right in front of her._

 _"I want to dance with you," he said firmly._

 _"No you don't," she snapped again._

 _"I do," he said calmly. He stepped closer but she took a step back, keeping her distance between him._

 _"Well I don't want to be another girl to your headcount," she glared at him._

 _Poe winced. "What's that supposed to mean?"_

 _"Nothing," she emphasized in a cold manner._

 _He frowned. "Yes, it does."_

 _She bit her lip and crossed her arms. "It's nothing. Forget I said it -_

 _"No I'm not going to forget it," he said in a low tone. He was upset. Offended._

 _She didn't say anything._

 _"Is that what you think of me?" he asked, his eyebrows furrowing. "That you think I'm a womanizer?"_

 _"I don't know where I got that idea from," she scoffed. Every planet they visit to there's admirers crowding him and every village there was a girl that he used to be involved with._

 _"I'm not," he crossed his arms. "You know that I'm not dating anyone," he reminded her of that conversation they had not too long ago._

 _"I know," she exhaled. She shouldn't be so upset with this. He wasn't dating anyone. He was allowed to be with anyone he pleased. "But do you really have to flirt with every girl that comes your way?"_

 _"I don't flirt with every girl," he said in a hard tone. He doesn't know why many people thought that._

 _Rey laughed bitterly. "Sure."_

 _"With the other girls, I'm just being nice," he corrected. "I don't want to be rude. I don't have any interest in them. The only girl I do flirt with is you."_

 _She blinked and stared into his eyes. "You flirt with me?" her tone went low._

 _Poe shrugged, unable to hide his bashfulness. "Well yeah." It should have been obvious - he constantly used BB-8 as an excuse to see her when they weren't on missions._

 _"Why?" she demanded._

 _He laughed softly. She was so confused with her emotions, so afraid to show anyone how she felt. "I don't know," he said smugly, his eyes smiling with him. "Why does it make you mad when you see me around other women?"_

 _Her shoulders tensed up automatically. "I don't know," she said, using all her will to seem stoic._

 _"Well I don't know either," he said, suppressing a smile. He could see right through her. "Do you want to dance?" he asks again but softer this time._

 _She bit her lip. "I never danced before though -_

 _"It doesn't matter," gently he took her by the hand and waist. "Just follow me," he whispered to her. "Follow my movements." He goes slow with her, keeps her in a simple dance. He's calm and relaxed while she was unable to look at him in the eye. She was absorbed with his foot placement and how it went._

 _She steps on his feet every couple seconds. "Sorry," she blurted, a blush escaping her again._

 _He chuckled. "It's okay." He pulls her closer, his chest pressed to hers. She's never been this close to anyone before - it's different. Frightening. And yet...soothing._

 _"Do you like to dance?" she asked, trying to mimic his movements._

 _"No," he laughed._

 _"Then why were you dancing earlier?"  
_

 _"Just to be polite. The girls asked me - I couldn't say no."_

 _Her eyes flickered to him. "And...why are you dancing with me?" she whispered, staring at his mouth. His chiseled chin. The slight stubble on his face. "I didn't ask you."_

 _"Because I want to," he said softly._

 _Her face became even redder - he liked the color on her. "Do you flirt with me a lot?" she asked, unable to hide her nervousness. She was so insecure - so unsure that she doesn't even know anymore._

 _"Yeah," he breathed as he twirled her. He's more subtle with it. He knows that she doesn't have any experience and so he wanted to be a gentleman. He respected her more than anyone. "Do you flirt with me?"_

 _She's so close to stuttering but she keeps her voice clear. "Yeah," she breathed._

* * *

to be continued

A/N; what other scenes/moments of their life do you want to see


	11. The Pilot

**Part One: Rey and Poe**

* * *

"We found something," Jerril yelled out to her.

She was back again at the remains of the ship. This was her third time here. She's growing wary of finding him but she doesn't give up. She still senses him. He's still alive. She knew it.

"What is it?" she asked, running towards Jerril.

He held out the item to her - a silver ring. Poe's wedding ring. Rey's heart skipped a beat. She grabbed it without a second thought and covered it with her hand. She held it tightly and brought it to her chest. It's been a week and she hasn't found him. No one has.

"Where did you find this?" she asked in a shaky voice.

"Underneath some broken metal," he sighed as he ran his hand through his hair.

"Thank you," she used all her strength to keep herself steady. She wiped the rest of the dirt with the hem of her tunic. It's just a piece of metal, a little ring but it meant so much to her. She held up the ring then and brought it close to the sun, letting it glimmer in the light.

When they got married, they got simple and affordable rings. They loved each other more than materials. The only time they made an exception was paying a little extra to have the rings engraved -

Rey blinked.

She lowered her hand and stared at the ring.

They had their rings engraved on the inside of their bands. Her ring said Poe and his ring said...Rey.

* * *

 **OoOoOoOoOoOoO**

* * *

 **Part Two: The Pilot**

* * *

 _He wasn't going to make it. He's outnumbered and his ship was a shot from giving out. He keeps going, dodging every attack he could -_

 _The ship's shaking and he can smell smoke._

 _His ship is falling._

 _He runs to get his parachute but he stopped in place. He threw his glove to the floor and took off his ring. He ran around, searching for a place to hide the ring. He threw it in between compartments, a spot where no one can find it._

 _He could have proceeded to jump out but he had to stop. If the First Order knew, his family will be in danger. If he jumped out right away - he could have been caught and they could have discovered the ring - Poe couldn't take the chance and so he hides it first before thinking of his own safety._

And that was the last thing he remembered before waking up in this cell. He's tied up, chained. He was about to move until he felt sudden pain in his head and back. Blood is running down his face. He's been here for a week. Every day that he's been here, he's been tortured and interrogated. Every time he's tortured, he's tortured differently, each time worst than the last. He hasn't eaten since he was captured - his legs are broken - both of them, along with his arms as part of the torture process.

"I won't say anything," he spats out the second he sensed someone go into his cell. His hearing is a bit off, earlier he was subjected to water torture. He still hears it - the sounds of dripping water being poured over his head gradually. His senses are a bit shot but he remains headstrong as ever.

Poe wasn't going to let himself lose his mind.

"Where is she?" a man asks.

His eyes widened. He recognizes the voice - Kylo Ren. For a week, he was tortured by storm troopers - and now Kylo Ren was here, standing in front of him. "Who?" he shouts defensively. But Poe knows though. For a week, storm troopers were attempting to get him to tell about Rey's whereabouts.

"Don't test my patience," Kylo bit the words out. "Where is she?"

"Who?" Poe says again with defiance. His body was shaking - Kylo was there - the man that haunted his dreams ever so often. Poe still remembers the pain of his mind being torn apart.

"Where is the scavenger?" he demanded with a cold tone. "She's been gone for almost two years. Certainly you know where she is hiding." It's been nearly two years since Kylo had faced her. The First Order had been looking for her ever since. She's getting stronger, Kylo knew. She was training in hiding, he knew.

Poe rolled his eyes. "I don't know. It's kind of classified information," he barked. Poe was shaking, his body was tensing as he was attempting to keep his mind protected. He doesn't want Kylo to know - he doesn't want his family to get hurt.

Kylo froze in place and stared at him.

Poe was heaving, his eyes flickering wildly.

"You do know," Kylo said lowly, raising his hand to Poe's face.

"I don't," Poe gritted his teeth. "For the last time I don't know!" he shouted in anger. Desperation. His heart is racing, the adrenaline is taking over him. He senses it, Kylo entering his mind. It feels like as if he's being set on fire - as if he's being pulled apart limb by limb - "Get out of my head!" he screamed. He's pushing his memories away, hiding them from Kylo Ren. Poe's whole body was heaving as his lungs were constricting. "Get out!" he shouted again through gritted teeth.

Kylo lowered his hand and stopped from shock. "It seems that you've learned something from her," he commented. He could have continued but he didn't. "I recognize that energy of hers."

Poe glared at him. "I don't know where she is," he said indifferently. "I haven't seen her in two years either. She's training with Master Skywalker," he said as if it was the truth. The First Order didn't know that Rey was married and was taking a year or two off to raise her child. If they knew, Ava and Rey along with Poe would be targeted.

"Very well," Kylo commented. He turned and walked away.

Poe's skin tightened. He was still in tact and Kylo didn't lose his temper - something was wrong. Kylo was planning something.

Minutes passed but Kylo didn't come back.

His eyebrows furrowed as his breathing became heavy. Something bad was going to happen - something was going to -

Several storm troopers appeared before him, leading six captives into his cell. The six captives - they were pilots - his colleagues - his friends. The Resistance had been trying to find them for a month and there they were - the missing pilots. They've been imprisoned here for a month - they all look so weak and worn - broken.

"There's a rumor around," Kylo began in a cold tone, letting his words linger. He walked around slowly, staring at each pilot. "That the scavenger is looking for her husband."

"She's not married," one of the pilots muttered. Jack. Jack spoke out.

Kylo ignored the remark and continued to walk around them. "She's been spotted several times at one of the First Order bases with a ring on her finger. What else can it mean?"

"I don't know that she's into jewelry?" Poe said dryly.

"She's looking for a pilot and all the pilots that the First Order has captured are kept here," Kylo said firmly. He looked at each pilot slowly in an intimidating manner. "Which one is her husband?"

The pilots became quiet.

Kylo laughed coldly and continued to walk around each of them, examining their every movement. There was something sinister about it. He was walking ever so slowly, letting the sound of his footsteps get to them. "Tell me me which one of you is her husband?" Kylo stopped in place and stared at Poe. Does he know? Or was Kylo intimating him? "If no one gives me an answer on the count of three, I will kill all of you on the spot." He pulled out his light saber and began to count slowly. "One...two...

"I'm her husband," Poe said firmly with pride. With dignity. He wasn't going to let the others suffer because of him.

Kylo lowered his light saber. He gestured the storm troopers to put the captives back to their cells.

Poe glared at him. His heart was beating - all he could see was his daughter and his wife. "What are you going to do now?"

Kylo held his light saber and walked slowly to him. "One...two...three."

* * *

 **a/n: to be continued**


	12. A Proposition

_She's pregnant. She's not even nineteen yet. She hasn't seen much of the galaxy - hasn't lived as much - and yet he had gotten her pregnant._

 _He should have been careful - he should have noticed the signs._

 _She wants to keep the baby despite all the weight on her shoulders. It's insane and absurd - there's a war and she's in the middle of her training -why now? Why does she want to keep the baby when she was still young? Poe doesn't say this. He doesn't say any of his doubts and concerns, he just wants to support her decision but it's a big decision. It doesn't affect just her. It affects him and the whole Resistance. The Resistance needs her._

 _"Marry me," he says the moment they're alone. They're walking in the halls and there's no one but them. She's heading to her room but he follows. "Marry me." He says in a hushed voice, in a slightly ordering and begging tone. He's in his casual clothes, brown trousers and a beige green shirt. He's walking side by side with his hands behind his back. He feels tied, wrapped around her finger but for different reasons. Poe wants to be with her - he wants to marry her and take care of her and their child but she feels the opposite. She doesn't want to marry him. She doesn't want his support. She wants to have him as a father of her child and nothing else._

 _She continues walking as if nothing had happened. "No," she responds, shaking her head without a care. She doesn't react to his proposal - he's been proposing to her every day for the past week that he found out. She's immune to his pleas and kindness - she doesn't want him around._

 _"I want to be there for you," he persisted. He's tired of being patient and polite - he's worn and exhausted. He hasn't been sleeping since he had found out and his conscience won't let him be involved fifty percent. Poe wants to be there for her too and not just for their child._

 _Rey bit her lip and frowned. "For the eighth time, no," she bit the words out, unable to hide her annoyance._

 _"I want to be there for you," he repeated. His shoulders were tensing._

 _"And I told you that I'm not afraid of being alone," she said lowly, not bothering to look at him. She walked a bit straighter and proceeded to her room._

 _"Rey," he whispered as her fingers wrapped around the door knob._

 _She turned around and looked at him. Her face is unreadable, almost blank in contrast to his. Rey bit her lip and sighed. "I don't think we'll be happy as husband and wife," she whispered, her eyes lowering._

 _Poe frowned. "I think we will," he coaxed, taking a step closer. He wants to hold her, to tuck the strands of hair behind her ear, to kiss her - but he can't. Ever since she found she was pregnant, she refused him to touch her. Poe respected her wishes but it still hurts. She's so young and he had ruined her life._

 _Her eyebrows furrowed as her fingers curled into fists. "Come inside," she said firmly, in the softest voice possible. No one can know. She doesn't know when to announce her pregnancy but she knows that she has to eventually. The only thing she didn't know was if she should tell them who the father was._

 _Poe blinked. "What?" He hasn't been in her room in a while - since she experienced the first symptoms._

 _Rey opened the door. "Come inside," she said again. "Let's talk inside."_

 _She turns on the light but keeps it in a dim setting._

 _"I want to marry you," he says again but aggressively. He isn't sugar coating anymore. He's exhausted. He's already told her how he felt already. Six times he proposed her romantically with decorations and flowers and now he's tired. He's tired - he tired of seeing her with other men - to see her being hovered and kissed. He wanted her, he wanted her now then ever._

 _"No you don't," Rey snapped. "You want to marry because it's the right thing to do. And not because you want to," she mumbled._

 _"I want to marry you," he emphasized. He leaned to touch her hair but she moved away._

 _"I know you, Poe. You don't want to marry until you're forty or so. You don't want to settle yet and I respect that -_

 _"I can change my mind," he countered. "I love you, Rey."_

 _Rey fidgeted as if he had slapped her. "No you don't -_

 _"Yes I do. I love you."_

 _"You were dating other girls while you were dating me -_

 _"And you were dating other guys while you were dating me. That was our agreement. But I love you."_

 _"You never did anything to prove otherwise -_

 _"Well I'm doing it now -_

 _"Because I'm pregnant -_

 _"No I loved you before that -_

 _"Then why didn't you ever say it?" she was nearly shouting. She's angry, irrational, emotional._

 _"Because I knew you weren't ready," he responded calmly. "You never been with anyone and I knew you were going to act like this."_

 _"Act like what?"_

 _"Afraid. Angry," his eyelids became heavy. He touched her head - he hasn't touched her in a long time that this, it felt intimate. "You're afraid that someone might love and care for you. You're afraid of getting hurt."_

 _Rey didn't respond._

 _"Are you afraid of me loving you?" he touched her hair again. She looked so small, so vulnerable._

 _"No," her voice cracked._

 _"Then what are you afraid of?"_

 _She locked her eyes onto his. She had avoided him since the first proposal to her - that she's forgotten the features of his face. That tiny scar on the rim of his cheek - the little gap between his two front teeth. "That you'll change your mind and leave." Her voice is faint, uneven. She's shaking. She's crying quietly, she feels like a child by just saying it._

 _Poe frowned and pulled her to an embrace, keeping her close to his heartbeat. He held her tight, covering her, protecting her. He feels it, the pain she carried through childhood and now. Sometimes he forgets that she's young but when he remembers, he remembers that she's still a little girl. "I won't leave, not ever," he whispered._

 _"You can't promise that," she mumbled stubbornly into his shirt. She doesn't want to falter from a few words but he knows that she's blushing. He could feel the heat of her cheeks against his chest._

 _"I did though," he chuckled lightly. He wrapped his arms around her tighter and kissed the top of her head. She buried herself deeper into his chest - touching him sends waves of shock to her spine. It frightens her of being so close to someone and yet it was something that she had always wanted. He pulled away and wiped the tears from her face. He knelt down and grasped her hand like he always did. "Do you hate me?"_

 _"For what?" she breaks out in laughter._

 _Poe shrugged as if it was obvious. "You know."_

 _"No."_

 _He frowned. Her answer left him feeling unsatisfied. Carefully he moved his hand to her stomach but she pushed his hand away defensively. Poe's eyes lowered. "It feels like you do." Something's changed in her. The girl he knew that was so eager to be touched by him was gone. She was defensive, very jagged. She seems older now, more mature._

 _"No I don't. I'm just mad and scared."_

 _"Of what?" he tilted his head up._

 _"That things are different now - that I'm letting the Resistance down - and that things are different with you and me."_

 _He sighed and ran his fingers through his hair. "Yes things are different now but I still care about you - I still love you."_

 _"What if we don't make a good husband and wife?"_

 _A small smile crept over his face. "So...do you want to get married?" he couldn't help but to grin. "I'm wearing you down," he teased._

 _She scowled at him. "Perhaps," she said hotly. Her cheeks were getting red. "But I don't know if we would be good being married."_

 _He stood up and touched her head. "Why do you think that?"_

 _She shrugged. "It's new for me -_

 _"It's new for me too," he chuckled to himself._

 _"Can we try it out? Being married?"_

 _He raised his eyebrow at her. "Like what?"_

 _"Let's try sleeping together for the night - just sleep," she quickly corrected herself to avoid any confusion. There was innocence in her tone, harmlessness._

 _Poe flinched but nodded. "Okay. Let's try it."_

* * *

 **a/n: to be continued**

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 **I will get to the messages/comments on tumblr and respond to them soon.**


	13. Awake

It felt as if he had been asleep for a long time.

He felt groggy. Exhausted. His muscles felt mashed and softened.

Poe blinked slowly attempting to adjust to bright blinding light.

He's in a room -a medical room - in a Resistance base - attached to wires. Something happened. He was in an accident, he gathered. The only question was...for how long?

He sees several people run back and forth through the glass. They're frantic, excited almost. This doesn't phase him at all however, Poe's used to this. He's been in more accidents than he could remember.

This was normal.

He exhales and sits himself up. "What is it this time?" he muses to himself. He pulls out the wires from his skin and examines the room. There's plants everywhere and gifts as well. It puzzles him how so many people are afraid that he'll never make it but he always does. Every time. There was no need for people to visit him when he gets into an accident.

Finn is the first person to come running into his room. "Buddy!" Finn exclaimed.

"Buddy!" Poe exclaimed back with equal excitement. "You're alive! I thought you were dead! How did you make it out alive during the crash?"

Finn stopped in place and frowned. He became quiet. "Do you know my name?"

Poe raised his eyebrow but laughed. "Of course I do, you're Finn."

"Do you know who Rey is?" his voice went low.

Poe shrugged automatically. "No - is she a friend of yours?"

Finn frowned. "I um - um-" - he covered his eyes and shook his head. "She's your **wife** ," he emphasized. "Your _wife."_

Poe laughed. "I don't have a wife." It was the most ridiculous thing he heard.

He covered his mouth. "I-I can't do this" he ran out.

Poe blinked. "Finn! What's going on?" He was about to stand up but he stopped when he saw Finn talking to General Organa. They were talking outside of the medical room but Poe could see them through the glass. Finn was jumpy, talking very fast - but Poe couldn't make out the words. General Organa looked concerned.

Poe's heart began to beat rapidly. How long had he been in a coma? He watched them talk to each other until several minutes later when hunger struck him.

He stood up and made his way towards the door but froze once he saw General Organa walk in.

"Hello Poe," she greets him with a formal tone.

"Hello General," he greeted her calmly.

"Do you know how long you've been gone?"

He shrugged. "A couple days?"

"Almost a year."

His eyes widened. "Oh." He let out an uneasy laugh. He didn't know how to react and so he laughed.

"What is the last thing that you remember?" she asked sternly.

He exhaled and looked around the room. "I remember being in the First Order base. I was interrogated by Kylo Ren but Finn rescued me. We flew away and we crashed. I thought he was dead -

Leia frowned. "That happened a long time ago."

Poe shrugged again. "Well that's what I last remember. What happened?"

"Something similar happened to you so you're not far off," she chuckled.

"I have a wife now?"

She nodded.

He became pale. "For how long?"

"Almost two years," she said gently. "And you love her," she mouthed every word. She senses fear in him, his discomfort. Her eyes lowered. He looks surprised, stunned.

Poe nodded slowly, attempting to take in the information. "Where is she?"

"She's on her way," Leia said gently. "It will take her a while, she was training with Luke -

"Luke?" his eyes flickered. "He - he- he's -

"We found him a while ago," she brushed it off as if it was nothing.

He exhaled dejectedly as he ran his fingers through his hair. "What else has changed Leia?"

Leia bit her lip as she attempted to contain herself. So much has changed - she didn't know where to begin. "Han," that was the first thing that came to mind. His name brought sadness on the tip of her tongue. It's been almost two years and yet it felt like only yesterday.

"What about Han?" Poe's throat went dry.

"He's gone," she whispered. There's grief spread across her face and body - her shoulders were tense- and her body was almost trembling. There's no tears in her eyes. None at all.

Poe became quiet.

A second passed and just like that, Leia returned to her contained form. "It's alright. He's been gone for two years," she informed him, formal as ever. "I know it's a lot to take in so just stay here and relax," she ordered.

* * *

 **a/n: short chapter! sorry for the hiatus. I would have included the other part to it but going to save it for next chapter which will be emotional.**

 **btw in response to the whole young justice stories faq, yes I've deleted them. I deleted them because I've grown so much in writing and the YJ fics I wrote years back felt so juvenile.**


	14. Unsteady

Unsteady

* * *

Within three hours there's a young woman heading towards his room. He can see her through the glass. She looks relatively normal, he thought to himself as he released a relieved sigh. Leia opens the door before she can. "Dameron, this is Rey. Your wife."

Rey stood there in place. She looks pale, uncomfortable. There's no expression on her face but concern.

Poe blinked. He had a blank look on his face. He was uncomfortable as much as her. He examined her. She's younger than what he had imagined, thin. She had a wide forehead and freckles scattered all over her cheeks and nose. Her hair is long - at her waist, in lose waves. She's dressed in humble clothing - she dressed as if she was a farmer's wife. She was wearing a light blue long sleeved buttoned up dress that was slit at the sides and soft gray trousers underneath. Her eyes - her eyes were pained and they were locked on to him.

 _You're suppose to remember me,_ those hazel eyes told him.

 _I'm your wife - I love you._

"Hi," he murmured, his jaw twitching slightly. He walked towards her and shook her hand. It felt strange to just walk. His joints felt as if they were about to disconnect. He hadn't walked in almost a year.

Rey froze at his formality. Seeing him awake, was unreal. It was like seeing a ghost of him. He doesn't remember her. He's not even cracking a little smile. He looked unhappy. Disappointed.

"Dameron you have been away from your wife for far too long," Leia said sternly. "At least hug her," she said strongly as if she was ordering him.

Poe swallowed and stiffly hugged Rey.

Rey's eyes lowered and so did Leia's. Within seconds, Rey melted into his arms. She buried herself into his chest and quietly sobbed -she couldn't help it. She wanted to do this for such a long time. "I missed you," she whispered.

He frowned but touched her hair. He wanted to feel what she was feeling but he didn't. He just felt sympathy for her.

* * *

He's surprised to see the home that they live in.

It's small. Simple.

He imagined that they lived in a bigger home and in an urban setting, not in the woods.

"It's not much but we love this place," she said out loud, reading his mind. "You used to call this place your secret hideaway," she said as she took him by the sleeve of his jacket and took him in.

"It's a nice place," he assured.

"Sit down," she said gently. Poe nodded and watched as she took off his boots. He watched in fascination as she unlaced his boots. She does this in unison, as if it was natural. It was routine, he assumed. It was routine for her to greet him when he came back from work and take off his shoes. Poe never had a routine except for going on missions. "Sit down and relax while I make you dinner," she leaned down and kissed his forehead.

He gave her a small smile. He doesn't remember anything but she was sweet and welcoming. Poe sat up - he hears something - familiarity - BB-8. "BB-8?" he called out. He feels the ground tremble slightly. He stood up and sees his droid rolling towards him in delight.

Poe grinned and hugged him. "I missed you buddy!" he exclaimed. "Where did you come from?"

His droid beeped.

"You have your own room now, huh?" Poe smirked. "Since when?" He remembers it - his room in the Resistance base with BB-8 in his bed in the corner.

BB-8 didn't respond and instead went on about other things.

They talked until Rey called him in for dinner.

* * *

She made him his favorite dinner - it shouldn't be a surprise though. She was his wife, she would know. Poe dug in and ate without consideration of etiquette. He didn't realize how starving he was until he smelt the food.

"How's the food?" she asked with observing eyes. She was barely, too transfixed with him.

"It's great," he gave her a thankful smile. "Thank you."

"I'm pleased to hear that." And she was but she was heartbroken still. It was estimated that he wouldn't get his memory back until a few days but right now it felt like an eternity. It pained her - he looked at her as if she was a stranger.

Once they finished dinner, they went to bed.

It was cruel how something once natural is gone. They got ready to bed separately, as if there was a wall between them. He has no memory of what it's like to be a team.

She takes off her clothes in the same room as him without a second thought. She didn't notice that he was looking away until she was unraveling her chest bindings. He looked embarrassed. Rey kept going. She wasn't embarrassed. "You don't have to look away," she reminded him. "You've seen me naked plenty of times," she said with flushed cheeks and a lingering gaze, hinting him to stare.

"How old are you?" the words slip out. He watched her walk to the closet. She was completely bare. There's scars around her stomach but he doesn't have a good look of them because she's already putting on a shirt - one of his shirts to be exact.

"Twenty," she answered in a hallow tone. She scrunched up your nose. "And you're old," she teased.

He laughed then. He hadn't laughed in front of her until now. "I'm not that old."

"Yes you are. Will you be able to sleep in the same bed as me?" she asked.

"I can try," he gave her a playful smile.

She laughed but the moment she got into the bed with him, she stopped. He feels nothing and she can feel it. She broke down beyond her control. Her will was failing her but he had been gone for such a long time. He's finally here but he's still gone.

He held her automatically. He doesn't like seeing a woman cry. She cried once already today and he didn't like it. "Don't cry," he whispered. He frowned. He's angry and guilty at himself. He doesn't remember anything. She was still sobbing. Gently he wiped her tears. "Don't cry. I'm sorry - I know that this is hard for you. I want to remember - I want to -

"I know," she heaved.

"But I know it doesn't make things any easier for you," he sighed. He could feel her heart beating rapidly. "Thank you for being so strong," he whispered into her hair. "Thank you for treating me so kindly. I don't remember much but I know just by today that you are a good wife to me. And thank you for it. I'll give you anything you want. I'll do anything for you."

She lifted her head. "Poe," she whispered.

"Yes?"

"I know this is a lot to ask - I don't want it to immediately happen - but when the times right, can we try to have a baby?"

His heart skipped a beat. Him as a father? He couldn't imagine that. "Can we talk about that later?"

She nodded and swallowed hard. "Yes."


	15. Hair

He didn't sleep that night or the next night and the one after it. He keeps having the same dream of himself holding a baby. The baby looked like him down to his wild curly hair and brown eyes. The baby was a girl, that always smiled and giggled and she looked at him the way Rey did. It sounded nice on paper but that dream made him depressed. Left him hallow.

Poe doesn't know why it made him feel that way but he knows where it's coming from.

A couple of days ago, Rey brought up the subject of trying to have a baby.

He told her no because he was still trying to regain his memory and told her to ask him when he did. Personally, he never thought of himself of being a father. That was too much responsibility and he didn't want to let anyone down. He didn't want to ruin someone's life - a child's life for that matter. His work had led him to see horrific images of parents abusing their children and mothers unable to support their starving children. Those images left him damaged. He's so afraid of letting a child down that he doesn't want to have any.

Especially with his job. He would be away for most of the child's life.

Having a child wasn't part of his plan.

But he has a wife now and been having a wife and she wants a child. She wants to be a mother and at the same time it was selfish of him to deny her that.

Poe was slowly regaining his memory. Bit by bit. Little things that his wife does makes him remember - makes him remember why he fell for her. Rey was simple and humble. She was hardworking and easy to talk to. It surprised him to find out that she was a fighter - that she was a Jedi in training. She doesn't look like one - she's so small. He could easily scoop her up with one arm and he has.

He enjoys returning home and sneaking behind her to scoop her up. He likes to hear her squeak in shock and burst in laughter as he put her on his shoulder and carried her to their bedroom.

He's getting used to her - he doesn't remember her fully or the experiences they've shared but he remembers how feels about her.

He admires her. Adores her.

They've been intimate over the past three days and they click. It feels natural. Second nature.

The only thing is that he's not fully there and that she's insistent on them trying to have a child. She doesn't expect for them to try right away but she wants him to at least agree. So far he doesn't agree. He doesn't say yes for them trying in the future. He's uncertain, especially when his mind is barely working. There's many things he doesn't know - like why everyone is quiet around him at the Resistance base and why BB-8 has his own room.

BB-8 having his own room was odd to Poe. Why did they give BB-8 such a big room? A room for that matter. BB-8 was content being anywhere as long as it was a corner with a bed. The room was empty, nothing but white walls and a couple of trinkets and a bed for his droid. The room looked empty. Lonely.

Poe wanted to put some use into the room. Put actual things.

* * *

"I want to go on a mission," he says to her with impatience and anger. He's been injured and had been in plenty of comas before and yet they weren't letting him jump right back into his job. He's bored. He feels useless.

Rey winced as if he had slapped her. "You've been in a coma for almost a year," she reminds him, stroking his hair. "They want you to at least have some time to recover. Besides I miss you. You've been away from home for such a long time," she leaned and kissed the gray in his hair.

He smiles from the touch of her lips on his hair. He pulls her to his lap and hold her. He looks up at her with stars in his eyes and an open mouth - she could see the little gap in his teeth that she loved so much. "What did I ever do to deserve you?" he whispered.

"You were you," she answers without even thinking. "I love everything about you."

"Like what?" he grins.

She rolled her eyes and laughed. "You're confident. Charming. You were there. You were always there for me even when there was lightning. You were there."

"You're afraid of lightning?'

Her heart sinks but she pushes that feeling away. "Yeah," she nodded, swallowing the lump in her throat.

He kisses her softly then. The moment she tries to break apart the kiss, he doesn't let her. He keeps kissing her and suddenly he gets up and carries her to their bedroom.

"Do we do this often?" he asks as he placed her on the bed.

She already knew what he was implying. "Always. When you come back from a mission, before you leave, and every morning and night."

Hearing those words made him warm inside. She's his. It finds it funny how he was afraid when he found out he had a wife but now he loves the idea of marriage. He loves the idea of having a wife that would always be by his side and that he was a husband.

"But not tonight though," she says, unraveling herself from him. "General Organa has thrown a party for you tonight."

He watches her take off her clothes and slipping into a dress.

"Do we have to go? I rather stay and have a party with you," he winks at her.

"Yes we have to. It was awfully nice of her to throw you a party."

Poe sighed. "Alright I'll change."

* * *

He's already in a fresh set of clothes. Right now he was sitting on the bed, watching her brush her hair in the mirror. He became transfixed by her long hair. It looked so silky. She holds a section of her hair up and wrapped it into a bun with a ribbon -

His eyes flickered.

Something clicked.

He remained still and watched her movements. She was humming to herself, in deep focus on fixing her hair. This was the first time he had seen her put her hair up - she holds another section of her hair and wraps it into another bun.

Something inside him click again.

He stood up and went to her. "Can I?" he asks.

"What -

He doesn't say anything else. He grabbed another ribbon and put the last section of her hair into a bun. He stared at her for a long time. He remembered. He remembered her now - that was how she wore her hair before. Her hair was like that when he met her - she loved the skies as well - he remembered.

"Poe what's wrong?" she asked, gripping his wrist.

"I remember." A small smile crept over his face but it was only for a short moment. "We had a daughter didn't we?"

She went pale and swallowed hard. "Yes," she said with an uneven tone. Her throat was burning.

"Where is she?"

Rey broke down in tears. "She's gone."

His heart skipped a beat. "Gone as in what?"

"She's dead."


	16. The Pilot's Wife II

The great Poe Dameron, dashing and heroic, never had his feet on the ground for more than a second. He was swift, with his heart in the clouds. Never in his wildest dreams did he expect himself to settle down. Sure he had seen her many times before, but he never interacted with her - never did he once had a chance to speak with her. It amazes him that he was married to her.

She attaches too easily.

Too grounded.

Too down to earth.

She was homely and to herself.

He knew of her through parallels. They interacted with the same people, been to the same places, had the same interests but were in parallels. They followed the same direction but never the same path. They were parallels, destined to never meet.

They've been in the same room before dozen of times but at great distances from each other. He would be giving orders while she would be there, stealing glances of him. Poe would always catch those deep eyes of hers and would stare with the same intensity but with weary. Say something. Speak. Talk to her - but he never did. She's beautiful but she's not his type. She's not confident or seductive. Strong as she was, she was broken. Poe could tell by her eyes of hers - eyes that looked at him as if he was the whole world.

She needed someone who could be there for her.

And so Poe never spoke to her.

He knew that she was trouble from the beginning.

Poe would have spent his whole life never speaking to her if it wasn't for BB-8.

It was BB-8 that kept insisting for Poe to speak to her. Rey. A child. It was BB-8 that orchestrated them to finally and formally meet. BB-8 would purposely go to Rey without Poe's knowledge and Poe would spend the rest of the time finding his droid.

Poe had caught her many times staring at his jawline, saw her bite her lip and over time he grew accustomed to the sight, pleased.

For him, a girl being enamored by him wasn't anything new. He was charming, charismatic. Poe didn't need to wonder if she was attracted to him. He just knew. He had relations with many girls her age, some were broken ones for that matter. But Rey was different. She was broken in a different way, in a damaging way. He could have her if he had wanted but she was too precious to hurt.

Getting her pregnant was the last thing he had wanted to do.

"Didn't you take a contraceptive?" he asked when it had happened. He was disappointed, stunned. Upset mostly because he constantly reminded her to take the contraceptive after every time. It was an effective contraceptive that's been used for centuries, a mixed up drink of some sort that consisted tonics, herbs, and such.

"I did," she blurted sheepishly. She's pale, trembling slightly. She's terrified, consumed with guilt while Poe was upset about the news. "I always do but - I'm still pregnant."

There was a silence between them.

"I didn't want this to happen either," she exhaled.

He stared at her for a long time and sighed. He should have known better than to date her. She was young, fertile except he didn't know how fertile she was. "It's okay. I'm here."

* * *

That was one of many memories Poe had repressed. He didn't like the person he was before marrying Rey. He was selfish. He was reckless. The man he was didn't deserve her.

Rey had made him a better man.

Marrying her had made him humble.

And being a father had made him selfless. Before her, he thought of only of himself and his droid but now he thinks of her safety, of their family -

Their daughter was gone.

* * *

He stares at her. Stares at Rey, stares at her now. He dips his head to her, his hand to her back. He didn't know what she had been going through since he had been away.

He touches her and feels her pain. He sees memories of her crying every night, being haunted of memories of when she carried their child in her arms and in her belly. The scars on her body were constant reminders, constant reminders that her body had made a child that was gone. Poe kissed her face and held her.

"How was she like?" he asks. His memory was slowly returning to him but he wasn't all there yet.

"Perfect," she mouths into his skin. "She kept us together. She made us a family."

"She was advanced," he recalls. He remembers how amazed he was with Ava's development. Ava developed faster than the other children. They had took her to Luke early on and were told that Ava was destined for great things with the force. "She was...perfect," he breathed fondly. There was no other word to describe her. That was their baby, the baby that they made together. "She was the best of us." Poe remembered the first time he had met Rey - how enchanted he was with her features.

"I want to have a baby," she said again.

His eyebrows furrowed. "It's not the right time -

"I don't want another child to replace Ava - I don't want that. I love her - I'll always love her. I'll never forget her." Our daughter's life was stolen, Rey wanted to say. We will never see her grow up. We will never see what she'll be. Tears streamed from Rey's eyes. These past months had been the worst months of her life. Her husband was in a coma and her daughter was gone and Rey, she was alone. "I'm a mother without a child - I'm not a mother anymore."

Poe winced. He understood her pain but he knew that right now, it wasn't the right time. They had to finish this war before anything else. "You're so much more than that."

"I'm no one."

"Don't talk to yourself like that. You are Rey. You are a fighter. You are a jedi in training. You are a leader. You are an inventor - a pilot - a scavenger - you are my wife - a pilot's wife."


End file.
